Human Magic
by ms91
Summary: This story is set right after The Atlantis Complex, to be exact: two weeks before Artemis' 18th birthday. Just on time, some strange group of humans contacts Artemis… with quite shocking news. AF/HS
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

This story is set right after The Atlantis Complex, to be exact: two weeks before Artemis' 18th birthday. Just on time, some strange group of humans contacts Artemis… with quite shocking news.

**Timeline continuancy**:

The calculations might be off a couple of months, but you get the raw idea, I hope.

AF:

the first book was published in 2001, written likely 2000;

Artemis was 12 at this time = birthday of AF was Sept. 1988

AF entered the time stream presumably 2003, came back 2006

end of Atlantis Complex either end 2007 or early 2008

AF is legal 18, infact 15

HM is set to begin in August 2010, thus AF is legal 20, infact 17

For the sake of simplicity, it is assumed that AF needed 2.5 years to overcome Atlantis Complex (the higher you climb, the deeper you fall)

Events of The Last Guardian are ignored here, except for background information about the characters

HP

Birthday of Harry Potter: somewhen 1981

HP and friends likely 29/30 years old at HM set

Battle of Hogwarts 12 years past

12 years is indeed a long time span for the wizarding world to clean up, but that is to be expected after in 1998 pretty much the entire wizarding world lay in smoking ruins. Wizards have the same problem as the People, though to a lesser degree: lots of losses that cannot be offset due to reproduction


	2. Unexpected Letters

**Unexpected Letters**

WHEN: August 15, 2010 – 06:00 AM

WHERE: Fowl Manor, Artemis' bedroom

Artemis Fowl, having (after over two and a half years!) finally finished the therapy of Atlantis Complex the day before, woke up in his bedroom precisely at 06:00 AM. Yawning, he took a look outside his window. Something appeared to be sitting there, though he could not make out what exactly _it_ was. He crawled out of the luxurious bed, stood up and rubbed his eyes. The object on the windowsill looked like… an owl? Yes, an owl, definitely – and a damn huge one, Artemis wondered. Then he noticed a small but thick package bound to the legs of the owl: it looked like a letter, having nice-looking writing on the outside. Immediately, he dashed to the door and called for his Butler: "BUTLER! Get up here! We're under attack!".

Barely 30 seconds later, the enormous giant called Butler had arrived behind Artemis, still brandishing the huge, sharp Japanese kitchen knife he had used to prepare some food. With a quick glance, he signaled Artemis to move out of the room, in case the bird or its package had a voice-activated ignition device. As soon as Artemis was out of the range of any explosive that could fit into such a small package, Butler slowly opened the massive window. Gracefully, the owl extended its wings and descended right on top of Artemis' desk. Butler grabbed one of the special glasses Artemis had made recently, after he managed to steal the design documents from Foaly's development server. Paranoid the centaur was indeed, but once again Artemis managed to trick him: he simply created a fairy version of what would become Stuxnet in the human world one year later (which was coded by Artemis, actually. After all, the NSA paid well, and Artemis Fowl Senior did not have to know about his son's more… unmoral sources of income) and Foaly did never notice his own data sticks were corrupted and serving Artemis all along.

Switching to X-ray view, Butler scanned both owl and package. While the owl turned quite bony in the view, the letter did not contain any circuitry or anything extraordinary. Using a chemo-sensor, he checked the package: again, just a very high amount of cellulose. Deciding that the package was not a threat, he took the glasses off and called Artemis. As he entered the room, the owl hooted loudly while staring with a strange glare at him. Its eyes followed Artemis as he walked towards his desk and carefully opened the knot securing the package to the legs. Finally being near enough, he could read the letters on the package:

_Artemis Fowl II.  
Huge Bedroom  
Fowl Manor  
Ireland_

The other text block identified the sender as _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_, with a strange kind of coat of arms underneath. The backside of the package was sealed the ancient way using wax and a small version of the seal as stamp. Tearing the seal apart, he took out some long parchments. He read them aloud, so Butler could also hear who was writing him and especially why the letter had been sent by owl. For what did the postal mail service exist, if not for delivering letters?

_Dear Mr. Fowl,_

_I am writing in order to inform you that you've been chosen as a pupil for the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. While we normally call in students at their 11__th__ birthday and not with 19 years, we do wonder why we detected magic in you only half a year ago. We're now offering you the possibility to learn what magic actually is and how you can use it._

_In this package there is a description of what you need at Hogwarts, how to get there and where wizards near to you reside, if you need any help._

_You can also choose to refuse to attend Hogwarts, though we think it 'd be a great loss for both the human Wizarding community and for you._

_If you want to contact us, simply put your letter into an envelope and write "Hogwarts" on it; every owl you bind the envelope to is able to find its target. Please do not send any mail to us via Muggle mail, we currently cannot spare any personnel to surveillance this system at the moment._

_With regards,_

_Prof. Minerva McGonagall_

_Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

"Wow." was the only thing Artemis could say. Then it came to his mind his final appointment with No. I was today, who was to get Artemis rid of the magic he had gathered in the time tunnel one year ago. He touched the ring on his hand and said "Foaly", making the ring contact an illegal communications station which relayed the signal to one of the Scopes, little piggyback satellites which Foaly had installed on various American, Russian and Chinese ones.

After ten seconds, a grunt came out of the green-glowing ring: "FOWL! Damn it, why are you calling this early! I hope it's important, or I'll wipe your computers!". Artemis responded seriously: "Foaly, I need you to cancel my appointment with No. I – and you, Holly and Cahartez or whoever is head of the Council have to get up here ASAP. It looks like humans also have magic and we discovered them. Or, to be more precise, _they_ have discovered _me_."

Being totally awake after hearing the words "humans", "magic" and "discovered", he said "Hotshot at Tara in approx. 1h, the computers say. You know where the entrance is, get Butler to pick us up in 90 minutes.".


	3. Theories

**Theories**

WHEN: August 15, 2010 – 07:30 AM

WHERE: Tara Shuttle Port

Major Holly Short, natural pilot as she was, perfectly landed a luxurious shuttle on the main landing pod of the shuttle port Tara. She wasn't that happy about this mission for some reasons:

1) she was woken up by a nearly panicking Foaly three hours before her clock usually rang

2) she was told by Foaly all of this was once again because of a certain Mud Man named Artemis and

3) the damn shuttle of Cahartez was doing all the work _she_ was born and trained to do. No fun at all there.

Carefully exiting the camouflaged entrance to Tara, she found Butler and a military plane truck outside.

"Morning, Butler. Hope it's serious, for you and Artemis kept me from my sleep!", she said with a serious tone in her voice.

Butler thought about giving her a greeting hug, but decided against it as he was likely to squeeze the poor elf beyond repair with his massive arms. He greeted the rest of the party and opened the truck's plane so everyone could enter.

Seeing the specially manufactured chair, Foaly immediately wondered if this was just another set-up or fake by the Mud Man, but in light of Artemis' and Butler's service to the People, he decided to ignore his paranoid instinct for once.

While driving, Butler shortly retold what happened, everyone being quiet until he had finished talking. While Foaly simply sat there, open-mouthed and silently muttering "How could I not see this?", Cahartez chose to directly ask Butler:

"We, until now, have been thinking that we're the only ones who can actually use magic. Sure, Artemis was an exception, but we don't have any records about humans with magic. Not even in the deepest history archives. You sure Artemis hasn't set up some stupid scheme, again?".

Butler responded promptly: "Sure as hell not. Or can the People speak to owls and there is our good friend, past-Opal behind it, maybe? Artemis thinks that magic doesn't work with birds, but he also makes mistakes sometimes."

"He's right there. Owls, as all birds, are inaccessible to us. Even the Mesmer or Runes are no good for controlling a bird, their free will is too strong for our magic to overcome.".

No one had anything more to add, so they quietly drove for half an hour, until the truck was near Fowl Manor. Butler remotely deactivated the automatic, concealed guns and the other keep-your-house-safe nasties he and Artemis had designed and installed in a radius of 2 kilometers around the Manor. 99% illegal, 100% deadly for anyone who was not equipped with fairy technology or driving one of the top-secret tanks in the development contractors of the US government.

They were eagerly awaited by Artemis and his family (except the twins – Myles and Beckett had been sent off to pre-school together with Juliet, Butler's younger sister). All of them gathered in the huge main room at the table.

Artemis, known for not wasting time, had already assembled a Powerpoint presentation and was running it on a luxurious projector which was, once again, 10 years ahead of everything on the market. Human market, that is. On the equally huge white wall there now was a scan of the parchment letter Artemis had received.

Artemis was the first one to speak, naturally, after everyone had exchanged greetings: "Dear friends, I have something really important, as you may have heard from Foaly".

Holly interjected sharply: "And it better be good, Mud Boy. Or I shall personally wipe you".

Slightly irritated, Artemis continued: "Oh, indeed it is. As you can see on the wall" – he pointed with a bright green laser pointer at the beginning of the scanned letter – "there is a group of humans who claim to be wizards and witches, respectively. They have contacted me tomorrow morning by owl. Apparently they have gained knowledge that I have used or acquired magic, which is true, but I don't have any reserves left and the ordinary People ritual doesn't work for me. How, I do not know. But this means that either one of you has leaked out this fact" – he glanced at Foaly, who was known to be a gossip trader – "or that this group really exists. Furthermore, you know that I was supposed to be stripped off the remaining magic in me today. But given this letter, I am not sure what to do. Opinions, anyone?"

While Foaly, once again, muttered about his failure to notice anything of this "group", Cahartez asked Artemis: "How can we be sure that this is not another scheme of yours?".

Artemis, having expected this question, replied swiftly: "The letter is ten meters away from you. Inspect it, if you want, and the owl is still sitting on my desk. Foaly?".

Being spoken to, Foaly immediately stopped muttering and went over to the smaller desk with the parchment on it. He took out his laptop and ran a quick scan over the parchment. With a puzzled look, he spoke: "This letter was indeed influenced by magic. But the traces are strange: They're neither fairy, nor demon, nor anything we've seen up to now. Even Opal's mutated magic and the trace analysis from the Spelltropy days do not match this. It's brand new."

Everyone fell silent, as it was crystal clear: Trouble lied ahead. Not Trouble Kelp, real trouble.

Then Foaly noticed something: "They claim you are 19 years old in this letter. We know you're 19 years old in terms of your time, but everyone who was not present on Hybras believes you to be 22 years old. Looks like they have no access to any kind of Mud Men computers or databases, or news for that matter. Your disappearance made headlines, after all. Same for the fact that they detected magic in you only half a year ago, while you walk on Earth with magic for over three years now."

"I had come across the same thought. For their lack of information on my age, I assume their magic works by percieved time indeed - just like dating a tree with carbon radioisotope detectors and by counting the growth rings. If I had taken a tree with me, it would show three rings are missing upon return. And for the magic, that might be due to something No. 1 has tried on me roughly that time ago. Maybe it set off their alarms, I am not sure."

The next one with a question was Artemis' mother, Angeline: "Arty. Do you know anything about this 'school'?"

"Negative. I wasn't sure whether to reply yet. It very well may be the owl is waiting for a letter, though, but I first wanted you all to discuss this. After all, as I'm a human knowing about the People, I also fall under your jurisdiction. Or, to put it another way, your guns are superior than mine, for the same effect".

Cahartez was eager to confirm: "Yes, Mud Man, you do indeed fall under our jurisdiction. Given Foaly's statement on the authenticity of the letter, I think you should be allowed to keep your magic, but only on one condition".

Once again, Artemis was able to finish the sentence: "You want me to spy for you and find out why your warlocks, archive keepers and technicians never learnt about these humans? And if these humans know about the People?"

"Quite correct, Mud Man. If this turns out to be a trustworthy organization and at least these Mud Men have some sense, you might also become official ambassador, but this is not for now to be decided.".

That left Artemis Fowl Senior to ask his son: "Artemis. I know I don't have any ways of stopping you in whatever you want, but please be careful with this. No one does know who they are and what powers they have.".

Holly, her mood significantly better now as she was sure this was no hoax, said with a tone of worry in her voice: "Mud Boy, I don't want to lose you. You've been helping us out of loads of trouble, but being a full-time spy is something… different. In contrast to Butler, Juliet or me you're not trained for this sort of activity."

"Indeed. But the hope that I am even more than I know is something worth pursuing… I will be writing the school back and tell them that I shall be attending."

That settled the matter. Everyone in the room knew that Artemis, once he had decided upon something, was not to change his opinion.

As the guests packed up, some feeling hit Holly. "Damn it, may very well be the last time I see him for a long time – let me make an impression." she thought and turned towards Artemis. "Don't you dare forgetting me!" she said while hugging him… and she gave him a kiss on the cheek, which made Artemis flush deep red.

Foaly couldn't stop a wide grin as he thought of late Commander Root's normal skin color and decided to break the two up by interrupting with "Hey, Root Junior!", much to the amusement of Angeline Fowl, who knew exactly what Foaly meant.


	4. Shopping

**Shopping**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 1:00 PM

WHERE: London, outside of the hidden entrance to Diagon Alley

Artemis and Butler stood on an average British road. They were following the map Artemis had received in the reply from McGonagall, and it seemed like the map was… alive. At least the lines updated themselves, there even was a _direction_ arrow.

Artemis hadn't managed to work out how the map was enchanted, but he was sure that this only needed a bit of work. According to the map they had only 100m to walk – and Artemis immediately sensed _something_. "Butler. I feel something is in the air… just like four years ago, when we were hunting demons. You feel it too?" he asked. "No. I guess this is a side effect of your magic", Butler replied.

As they arrived at the point the map pointed to, there was nothing to see. At least nothing abnormal. Artemis looked again at the map. It said now: "Look between the supermarket and the bank.".

And as Artemis looked there, suddenly there sprang a bar into existence. It was like the other houses had kind of _jumped_ aside, but Artemis could not see any reaction on the people who passed.

He asked Butler: "Can you see anything between this supermarket and the bank?"

"Nope. Nothing there. Based on your question, I think you see something there?"

"Yes, indeed. A pub has sprung out in between these buildings. It has a sign reading _The Leaky Cauldron_ on it."

Artemis was unsure. He did not like at all going anywhere without his trusted bodyguard. But eventually, he had to decide, and now was the time.

"Butler, I think we have to part now, as you obviously can't follow me into magically-hidden areas. But I assure you that I'll call you when I'm done here.", he said.

Butler's face clearly told he didn't like his charge walking into a totally unknown, potentially hostile zone with neither protection nor friends. But he gave in and gave Artemis a handshake, before the genius walked _into_ the wall.

However, no one except Butler had noticed this and even Butler felt the strange desire to forget about this, though his willpower was greater than the power of the spell placed here.

Not knowing what to do, Butler went into the hotel conveniently opposite the bank and booked himself a room with wireless Internet access and direct view of the wall where Artemis had vanished, so he was at least able to communicate with the world. God knew how long it took Artemis to complete shopping.

In the meanwhile, Artemis arrived into the bar. It was old and very run-down; the interior looked like there had been a massive fight in here not all too long ago, as there were scorched areas and blast traces all over the walls. The barkeeper, a young man aged around 25 years, greeted him: "Hi there! I'm George, the new owner of this bar. How can I help you?".

Artemis' desire for knowledge won and he asked the barkeeper back: "Yeah, sure. My name is Artemis Fowl… and I do have to admit I don't have any idea about the Wizarding world".

After a bit of thinking, it came back to the barkeeper: Hagrid, the Hogwarts Groundskeeper, had mentioned something about a new pupil who apparently was already of age, and somehow the young man had displayed magic only very recently.

So he said to Artemis: "Ah, I have heard about you. You're the one who never has heard about magic before and discovered it only half a year ago?"

"Uh, yes. I'm a bit surprised that I am known to your community, though.".

The barkeeper grinned and replied "Oh, not to many people. I have heard of you only because I have a few… contacts.".

Artemis knew what he meant, as he could recognize a slightly criminal past at one glance, himself still being more of a criminal than a honest person.

So he asked the barkeeper: "George, can you please show me around here? I don't even know how to pay in here, and the bar doesn't look like it has another entrance".

Laughing, George took out his wand and tipped at the back wall – which dissolved and let the duo see a big street, full of people. But again, there were still signs of destruction and war left.

Two shops, an Ice Cream parlor next to the bar's wall hole and a store whose sign was unreadable, had their windows barricaded and parts of the wall were missing altogether.

George noticed the look on Artemis' face and chose to explain what happened: "Nearly twelve years ago, there was a civil war in the Wizarding world. A dark wizard, most here call him You-Know-Who, and his associates terrorized all Great Britain, both Muggles, which means people without magic, and wizards alike.".

Obviously the memory was painful, Artemis could see on the expression on George's face. Artemis nodded shortly and George continued:

"You-Know-Who managed to infiltrate even the Ministry of Magic, everything. This has happened also… gods, around the time I was born, nearly thirty years ago, also. It was also You-Know-Who, back then. But for some reason, as he tried to murder a young baby by the name of Harry Potter, he got himself killed.

Without his protection, his accomplices lost power, and some of them were arrested. Lots escaped prison, though. Either they sold in others, including innocents, for freedom or they, if they had the money, 'arranged' for their prison sentence to be null and void.

So, You-Know-Who returned twenty years ago, as he managed to cheat death. However it was not until fourteen or fifteen years ago he openly returned, having covertly reestablished his organization and reactivated his former allies.

Then, he rose to absolute power, he even established control over the school of Hogwarts, which was thought to be impossible. Too bad Dumbledore, the greatest wizard ever known, got killed too, as he had been the only one You-Know-Who ever had feared.

Without him, Hogwarts was essentially defenceless. But once again, this Harry Potter stopped You-Know-Who. How, only those present at the Second Battle of Hogwarts in 1998 can tell… but they reckon he's really dead now.

This time, we also took all of the accomplices into custody – our new Minister, Kingsley Shacklebolt, let no one escape. As you can see, even twelve years later we're still repairing the damage that was done. Everything lay in ruins after the War. The Ice Cream Parlor here, whose owner was murdered by You-Know-Who personally, is cursed and no owner has managed to build a business in there. The curse repels any guests. Rumors are he was one of those who protected Harry Potter and refused to give out his location, but again, no one knows for sure.

The other place was once a history museum, the caretaker fell in the Ministry battle following You-Know-Whos death. Same problem: cursed, can not be rebuilt or reused"

They arrived in front of a pearl-white building, with golden "GRINGOTTS BANK" letters above the front door. Artemis asked himself how the buildings managed to stay erect - no building built this crooked, twisted or angled like the buildings in this area would stand without massive magic support.

"Now, Artemis, here is our first stop: the Gringotts bank. It's run by goblins. Not the most intelligent of all beings, but no one can break into this place. Stuff brought in here _stays_ here. You can change Muggle money to Wizarding one here, both directions and they take all currencies".

Artemis quickly absorbed these facts and made two mental notes: 1) _bring Mulch Diggums here, if possible. There are riches to be made. Infinite riches._ 2) _Intelligent goblins? Looks like the human Wizards and other above-ground races got separated from above-world ones throughout time. I need to run genetic tests on them and under-world ones to see where evolution went._

Wanting to store them on his phone, he pulled it out. George noticed this and waved with a hand: "Useless in here. No electronics work in magic places, but we don't know why".

Artemis, however, had a theory and could confirm it with a single look at the sky.

_Looks like the bar is a dimensional gate. No stars over the sky, and the sun looks fake. And I bet the school and this "train platform 9 ¾", as they call it, also are dimensional gates. Now, where are we exactly, and why does no one lose anything when walking through the tunnel?_

As they entered Gringotts Bank, Artemis was shocked. These goblins had quite a sense for style and riches. Gold, marmor plates, diamonds. Everywhere. Even the teller protection windows were made of custom-grown diamond, by the looks of it.

Together, George and Artemis went to a free teller. "Hi. I'm Artemis Fowl II, and I'd like to open an account and stuff it with some money, as well as change something into a currency actually usable here".

With this, he pulled out a thick bundle of 500 € banknotes and a cheque book. The goblin wondered about the coolness of his customer, then said: "Very well. Please come with me, I'll show you your cavern. I do hope though you haven't eaten anything, or you won't enjoy the ride. Up front, here's 500€ in galleons. I'll send the gold equivalent of the remaining 50.000€ directly into your cave."

Two minutes later, the three entered a run-down rail wagon. On a touch of the goblin, the wagon began to speed up very rapidly. Loud screeching from the wheels accompanied the 3-minute journey, and three different face expressions could be seen: a more than nasty grin for the goblin, a pitifying for George, and Artemis… well, it was more green than ever before.

They stood in front of a new door, roughly 2 meters high and 1 meter wide. But there were no keyholes or doorknobs.

The goblin explained this as soon as Artemis' color had returned to the verge of healthy: "I am going to touch the door now. Then you are to touch it and I take my hand away. As soon as only your hand touches the door, you are the only person that is able to open it. If you wish to grant another person access, you must do the same as I do now. I would not recommend you trying to open another person's cell… only if you want your bones liquefied."

After the procedure and a congratulation from George (having his own Gringotts cellar was a sign of having grown up in the Wizarding community, apparently), Artemis for the first time entered his 10x20 metre cave.

It was lighted by a single torch at each one of the four walls; in the middle of the cavern there were four golden bars.

The goblin said: "These here are the gold equivalent of your Muggle money. Money withdrawal and deposit can be done from above, as the rides are not to the likes of everybody. Oh, and the cavern is around 20km under sea level, the deepest up to 250km. Don't try to break in, without the train you're not getting anywhere". Artemis believed every single word of it, but still was tempted to smuggle Mulch into Gringotts. That dwarf could even dig straight through to the Earth's core, after all.

Now George interrupted the goblin in his explanations: "Could we please get above ground again? I _hate_ the stale air in here!". Both Artemis and the goblin agreed, Artemis also thinking to know why the air was stale: again, somewhere around here was a dimensional gate and the air was not exchanged... ever.

Twenty minutes later, the two exited Gringotts with relief.


	5. Wandlore

**Wandlore**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 2:15 PM

WHERE: Diagon Alley, outside of Ollivander's Finest Wands

Next station of the shopping tour was the wand store of a man called Ollivander.

As George told Artemis, Ollivander was over 100 years old and even survived months of hostage, detention and torture during the civil war period; he had been chosen as kidnapping victim due to the fact he was the best wand maker in the world, rivaled only by the now-deceased Russian Gregorovitch.

Again, this Harry Potter was rumored to be behind his rescue; Artemis wondered what Potter was _not_ responsible for or involved in.

As they entered the store, Ollivander seemingly appeared from nowhere. Like George, Ollivander seemed to know Artemis immediately: "Ah, I see a powerful wizard in you. Most important it is now to choose the right wand for you… or let you being chosen by the most powerful wand. After all, wand chooses wizard, not vice versa. Well then… let's see.".

Ollivander took two battered measurement tapes out of a huge pile of stuff on the nearest desk; with a flick of his wand the tapes flied through the air and measured Artemis from every perspective. They needed precisely ten seconds to finish, Artemis noticed. But before he could think any further about how they possibly worked, Ollivander had already went off and returned, his arm full of wands.

One after the other, Ollivander made Artemis take a wand and slash it through the air. Nothing happened, and Artemis worried if some of his magic experiments had managed to strip him off his magic.

But the last wand was different. As soon as Artemis touched it, blue and green sparks appeared, flew from the air into the wand and then into Artemis' arm.

Both Ollivander and George had obviously never witnessed something like this, as they stood there open-mouthed. George managed to break the silence: "WOW!", he exclaimed.

Ollivander stuttered: "Okay… now slash the wand and point it towards the wall".

Artemis did as told. The result was most impressive: The wall was no longer there. It had been blasted apart by a massive explosion, debris scattered all over Ollivander's Finest Wands' backyard.

People were pouring in from outside – judging by the numbers and the panic they thought of a return of these – … how were they called? Death… Ah, right, Death Eaters, Artemis thought – terrorists. However, George somehow managed to disperse and calm down the crowd.

Ollivander, now totally white in his face, only managed to say: "Take it, and train your magic somewhere where no one and nothing is near. You owe me ten Galleons for the wand and 100 for the wall. Oh, and don't let any Muggles see this".

Artemis let George pay with his money, as no one had explained the concept of Wizarding money yet.

Together, they exited the store. Artemis felt even better than after he managed to acquire magic – he wondered if anyone of the fairies, even Opal Koboi, had such power.

Then he thought of the wand: It was most likely a catalyst for human magic, as it amplified even the tiniest trace amount of magic one had… and Artemis didn't feel empty after putting the wand in his pant pocket (first the back one, but George had warned him about vanishing buttocks as soon as he saw where Artemis had put the wand. Artemis decided to take him seriously, although he believed the buttock incident to be an urban legend).

Quite possible that wands were the human way of tanking magic, which was supplied by the air itself.


	6. Unbelievable

**Unbelievable**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 2:45 PM

WHERE: Diagon Alley, outside of Ollivander's Finest Wands

On the list of items to shop, Artemis had these items left:

1) something to wear

2) books

3) a pet

4) chemistry accessories and ingredients

Obviously, Artemis was most interested in the books, so he and George went off to the bookstore.

Artemis felt instantly reminded of his huge personal library over at Fowl Manor. Books of all kinds were stacked practically everywhere where space was available. Old, new, and apparently even alive books. The latter ones were restrained with massive leather bonds and were vibrating violently and very loudly, though there were only six books in the box.

Artemis took out the parchment from his suit and read:

_Books you will need for attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry:  
The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1), Second Edition by Miranda Goshawk  
A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot  
Modern Magic History by Hermione Granger and Harry Potter  
Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling  
A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emetic Switch  
Two Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Neville Longbottom  
Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger  
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them by Newt Scamander  
Deep Darkness: Practical Anti-Dark Defense by Bill Weasley_

Artemis noticed that once again this Harry Potter was written on the list. So he asked George: "Just where this guy ain't involved?"

"Practically nowhere. His quest against You-Know-Who showed up pretty interesting facts about magic and history... so he and his close friends decided to write up what they had found out. He's damn rich anyway, his parents inherited him a fortune and then the boatload of donations after the War, but one can't have enough money.".

Artemis just grinned deep, as this was exact his way of life. _Aurum potestas est_, and gold was valued in this society.

Luckily, all the books needed by students were grouped together, in less than a minute they had packed and paid them. No live books, that was something Artemis did not really want to see.

Opposite the book store there was a cauldron dealer; as Artemis would need a cauldron for Potions, they went into the store.

He and George chose a gold-coated cauldron, as gold was both impervious to any acidious potion he might brew as well as a powerful catalyst for chemical reactions.

However, they left out the Self-Stirring variant, as Artemis thought that manual control of the operation made for better results, as he was able to directly feel when the potion was misbehaving.

And next to the cauldron store was the Apothecary; they already had pre-packed "first year kits", so Artemis bought one and then there were only two things left: clothing and pets.

As Artemis had learned by looking at other wizards, he was not sure if he 'd like the way wizards dressed, so he decided to leave this for last and search for a pet.

"So, basically you can choose between which pet you want:

Cats are cute and they help falling asleep. Nothing better than a purring cat on you when you can't sleep… but they can have their moods.

Toads… well, they're toads, nothing special. I would not recommend any small animals like rats or mice, they either get lost or end up as cat food.

I'd recommend you an owl, especially as you've got family you want and need to contact. Also, you can order pretty much anything to Hogwarts by owl.", George explained.

So, naturally, Artemis went for the owl store, George waiting outside ("Can't stand the smell in there, sorry mate").

Wanting to show off a bit, he chose an enormous pitch-black piece of owl. After handing her two owl treats, the owl hooted approvingly and flied elegantly out of the store; she settled down on some handbar in front of George.

Awestruck, George said "Dude, that's a supercarrier owl. Do yourself a favour and don't send her delivering letters for the first week. You would not want to shock the other pupils, these owls are rare. And reliable, these here can take 20kg of load and not slow down a bit."

"Now", Artemis told George, "I'm going to die of shame. Everyone knows me in suits. How bloody ridiculous am I going to look in the robes most people here are wearing?!"

"You don't have to wear Wizarding robes in the Muggle world at any rate. And for our world: don't worry, you'll look quite good in the sort of clothing you can afford - you can choose the best they have".

So they entered Madam Malkin's Robes for all Occasions and Artemis sat down on the nearest chair. Madam Malkin finished a deal with another customer and came to Artemis right then.

He asked: "The finest you have, please. Money is no problem, I just don't want to look like a clown escaped from the medical ward." – "Sure, no problem there".

So she took out two of the measure tapes Artemis had seen at Ollivander's and let them measure Artemis. Ten seconds later, she went off into the storage and came back two minutes later.

She returned with a gloss-leather pair of robes, one for everyday use and one for special events. Artemis tried them on and was surprised how well they fit – and especially that he didn't look like a clown in them.

A noticeable chunk of money (in fact, half of his remaining money) later, Artemis had finished his shopping and asked George: "One beer in the pub?"

"Yeah, sure, but our beer is not-alcoholic. Have a firewhiskey or two, one goes on the house. I've never seen someone shown that much natural power with a wand. Incredible show back there."

"Yeah, just going to tell my owl where I live. The clerk told me that apparently owls have some kind of geocoding hex upon them. I'll meet you back at the pub.".

So Artemis went to the handbar with his owl on it and told the owl "Fly to Fowl Manor and sit down in some tree or bush. I'll be there soon".

As soon as he had finished, the owl extended its massive wings and disappeared in the sky.

Back in the bar, George had already taken out a Firewhiskey and handed it over to Artemis. "Wow. Strong stuff. And delicious, at any rate. Not a single one in my cellar is that good, and you can bet I have more than a few dozen barrels in there", Artemis commented on the taste of the whiskey.

Half an hour and at least ten shots later, Artemis knew pretty much everything a first-year needed to know about Hogwarts, including the ghosts, the houses, basic rules of Quidditch and especially that he should not panic about the Sorting and not believe a single word of the stories which older students told the first-years to frighten them a bit.

Also, he now knew that Firewhiskey was forbidden in the school. Too bad. That stuff was _good_.

**A/N: Longer chapter there (the title refers to Artemis willingly trying out something other than suits and taking on a pet). Thanks to ** .Freude** and **infinityisthenewzero** for reviewing :) Unfortunately, I've got to make a one-week break as some stupid calculus exam is coming up. *vomits***

**What I didn't explain before is why I chose the setting to be in "normal" timeline, not somehow adjusted: having Artemis in the already-written war era in HP would have required major plot changes. Same for setting it before TAC. Also, it leaves the possibility for another return of Voldemort… after all, he's so afraid of death he could become a ghost. Or Opal (both present and past)… they have so much power, maybe they discover the human Wizards?**

**Or… some story involving a giant breaking in into the Lower Elements? Well, I have not decided yet where the plot should go and who the villain will be. The only thing definitely sure is that there won't be slash. Mighta be some love, but I won't go sexual.**

**By the way, if anyone notices continuity errors or especially timeline errors (I tried to align the worlds as far as possible, but there is always the chance of fail), please message me, thx :)**


	7. Reunion

**Reunion**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 6:00 PM

WHERE: Muggle World, outside of _The Leaky Cauldron_

Butler sat in the lobby of the hotel _Black Pearl_, surfing on the bodyguard website/bulletin board that was hidden somewhere on Madame Ko's webservers.

For nearly four hours he had participated in a heated debate about auto-aiming systems and other "smart" upgrades on handguns; Butler, who knew that Artemis had designed the newest line under some stupid pseudonym, was a major supporter, while a colleague called John, who had served as a bounty hunter in Iraq, Afghanistan and recently the slums of Mexico, was one of the "old-school" type who was able to hit pretty much anything with any gun from ranges thought impossible before.

Just as he wanted to point another blue-diamond who had joined the discussion five minutes ago to the technical specs of the aim-assistant, he noticed a movement between the houses, where Artemis had entered the _Leaky Cauldron_. He posted a quick "got2go" and packed up, handing the hotel receptionist a 50-pound bill while almost running through the lobby.

Five seconds later, a near-to-wasted Artemis came out of the door. "Butler? How did you spot me this quick?" was his first question.

"Well, you're _drunk_, and I think I saw some movement before I saw you."

"For the drunk part: I was asked to a single shot of whiskey and ended up liking their brew. For the movement: I think inter-dimensional travel is making the undercover life of human Wizards possible; what you saw were likely traces of the tunnels."

"You mean, like Hybras?"

"Similar, but the human tunnels are far better. They even let light through the doors, just not the sky.

But I've got some theories… and there is one huge bank with more deposited in it than in Fort Knox and Haven combined. Nothing like I've ever seen before… and I've got some really nasty weapon from the Wizards.

Humans need wands to recharge and use their magic properly. I guess that this was adding to my Atlantis Complex, I did not use magic the intended way".

Butler spotted the small piece of wood which was in Artemis' front-left pant pocket. Naturally, he asked "This is a wand? I've imagined them… well… bigger. I guess you already have tried out what it is able to do?"

"Pieces only. Do you remember that old warehouse of Spiro? If I'm not mistaken it's been emptied and put to rot shortly after we've put him out of business".

A grin spread on Butler's face, as he said: "You want to blow it up." followed by Artemis' evil grin that he always had before going into a battle and the comment "Indeed. Just get us some fast vehicle, we… might want to get away very fast from there.".

**A/N: Another short chapter. Looks like I passed the math exam, and of course this had to be partied on. Sorry for not updating as soon as I promised, but with the lack of sleep I accumulated, I was blocked damn bad. Thanks to all those who reviewed or put me on Author / Story Alert – and in not even two weeks since I put up the first chapter there were 325 readers. AWESOME – YOU ROCK!**

**For the action fans, next chapter will of course be interesting. Should be up by next Monday.**


	8. Arty, Blow Me Up

**Arty, Blow Me Up**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 6:30 PM

WHERE: Muggle World, London, Old Spiro Compound

Half an hour later, the duo Artemis and Butler arrived at a nearly collapsing warehouse.

That what remained of the once 2-metre-tall lights of the warehouse said "SPIRO COMPUTING, INC.".

Thankfully, the nearby area – in fact all the once thriving factory complexes – was empty save alone some rats and the traces of nature, which began to get the environment back, following the collapse or shrink of the companies who once had properties here in the big 2008 financial and economy crisis. Not to mention Spiro's downfall nine years ago, many of the companies sinking down later had once been suppliers of Spiro

Artemis could not restrain himself to comment: "Such a pity to let the whole area rot to pieces. When the worldwide economy speeds up again, in I expect some like three years, they'll have to tear down and rebuild all of this".

Butler finished, knowing Artemis long enough to know what he meant: "And you want to save one small start-up company the tear-down costs and train yourself a bit?"

"Indeed. But first, some precautions…".

With these words, he took out his cellphone and gave it a short voice command:

"Manor Main, distract all satellites pointing to my current location by at least 100 km. Fairies too, best fake some sun ion storm. Then, jam all communications in an area of 10 km around me, both wire-bound and wireless.

Same for the police, watch out if there are any on the road. If there is any patrol nearer than 15 km near me, create some fake event so they do not get a glimpse from what happens here".

The mainframe, hundreds of kilometers away in Ireland at Artemis Fowls home, instantly reacted.

"All satellites redirected, jamming and surveillance in progress." was the computer's reply, which Artemis had programmed after Major Holly Short's voice patterns.

Hearing her voice, even if it technically was not hers, Artemis allowed himself to be distracted a short moment and thought back to five days earlier, when he had last seen the inarguably short, but else perfect woman.

_Same time, Haven City_

In the middle of the huge, centaur-friendly Ops Booth, the mentioned centaur Foaly was busy repairing his most advanced and newest invention: a mass-field projector. This little box, smaller than a human cigarette pack, allowed a field officer to project an invisible wall in front of a suspect in order to stop and encase him.

Of course, such a machine was highly delicate and it was not recommended to overload it. Which a certain officer called Holly Short did, as she tried to prevent a dwarf from fleeing and projected a field right before the dwarf in the tunnel.

The projector tried to establish the field in solid earth, the result being a 10x10 meter, 15 cm thick solid diamond where the field's energy had melted the earth together and a scorched area in Holly's right buttock, where the thermal fuse of the nuclear battery exploded from the energy the projector had consumed in a nanosecond. At least, the diamond could be cut up and sold to humans for some gold, that helped to offset the repair cost.

Then, a red flashlight illuminated the whole Ops Booth, accompanied by a loud foghorn. The world map shown on the two major projector walls had changed to incorporate an overlay with fairy-piggypacked satellites, where three satellites over Europe and the Atlantic were blinking red and yellow.

The ticker below the map read: "WARNING: Ion sun storm detected. Incoming in 30 seconds.". Foaly read this and followed by a loud "D'Arvit", he typed in some commands on his wrist keypad.

His heartbeat slowed down enormously as he checked the other satellites' readouts and none of them reported even the tiniest trace of ionized particles, be them from the sun or outer space. In a matter of three seconds, the foghorn went quiet and the light re-established a healthy, dimmed white.

He read the sensor values of the three satellites… and they absolutely made no sense. Now he was sure he was being set up… but by whom? And how? He went over a list in his head:

Control orbs and backups? Definitely not. The orbs shone orange just behind him, same for the backup ones which had been relocated to the Ops Booth following the Martian Probe Disaster.

Manipulated sensor readings? Difficult. Manipulating the sensors themselves is impossible. One had to be in space to hack the machine, as the only other way accessing it was via the control orbs, which were in the Ops booth.

Hijacked transmission line? The only other way. But by whom? Opal Koboi? Improbable. Both of the Kobois were free, but hijacking fairy transmissions required massive amounts of technology. And he would have known if the Kobois managed to get the required technology. They'd at least have to pay for or steal it, and there were no indicators for either version. This left only one suspect:

Artemis Fowl.

So he went for the nearest com set and pressed the first hotkey, connecting him directly to Holly: "Holly? Yes, I know you want to do the ritual, but there's an emergency… you know who. He's in some industrial area near you, I'll send you his last known position.".

_Surface, Industrial Area_

Not knowing anything about what his action had caused (and he had no way of knowing that Foaly massively enhanced the security of his space program), Artemis took out his wand.

Instantly, his whole body felt energized. Butler noticed this, trained as he was, and he felt some field emitting from Artemis. Curious, he watched his charge meditating for thirty seconds and then rising his right arm.

Another ten seconds later, Artemis let his arm fall, the same way he did in the store. This time, he imagined a picture of the burning remains of Spiro's warehouse… and needless to say, exactly this happened.

It was like a massive bomb exploded inside of the warehouse. A huge fireball emanated from the windows, microseconds before the stones were vaporized. After half a minute, the smoke began to settle down, and total silence was everywhere. Not even a bird was tweeting anymore.

Butler was left of all impulses to move. He never had seen this or heard of anything like this before: the effect of the red beam Artemis had unleashed from his wand had somehow managed to build up the same energy as dozens of kilograms of C4.

"Do tell me, how did you learn this?"

"Actually, I didn't learn it. Apparently my natural magical talent is to blow up stuff, for whatever reason.".

Having said this, a distant sound of sirens reached their ears. Butler got rid of his immobility at once, and Artemis put away his wand, which had been in exactly the same position as it had been when he fired off the magical beam into the warehouse.

They sped towards the car, and Butler hit the gas pedal so hard that the screeching tires left a ten meter trail on the asphalt.

_Surface, London Center, fifteen seconds before the blow_

Holly Short, flying around Big Ben with Foaly's recently-patented new wing suit, which was just like flying with real wings, as it was nearly weightless and enormously thin, was just thinking about Foaly and how he always sat behind some drawing board, a computer or his latest piece of technology, as she saw the green status bar of her helmet turn red and read "INCOMING PRIORITY CALL: FOALY FINEHOOF".

"D' Arvit. You can't even THINK of the dude and he calls. Next time I swear his helmet can read thoughts…" she thought and accepted the call with a flick of her eye.

Ten seconds later, her wings had automatically sped up towards the target. Just one second before the explosion came, her helmet's magnifiers targeted Artemis from five kilometers distance.

Luck was on her side, as the helmet systems took the whole thing on tape: a red beam emerged from some kind of stick Artemis was holding, and hit the warehouse, which instantly was consumed by a fireball.

Shocked, she watched the whole thing below and made a call to Foaly.

**A/N: Hope this is long enough for you :) 969 hits for 313 unique visitors for December up to now, 5 Favorites and 13 Alert Subscriptions… I don't know what to say. You're the best, and I have never thought this to be possible.**

**Next chapter… wait for Christmas!**

**By the way, I intend the story to have 50-70 chapters, each around 1k words, making a total of 60k words.**

**Last thing for tonight: What do you think: Should I make a magic battle between Artemis and No. I or Qwan?**


	9. Seeing You Again

**Seeing You Again**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 6:32 PM

WHERE: Muggle World, London, near Old Spiro Compound

_Holly Short's POV_

"Foaly! Did you –"

"Yes. Got it all on tape. Just what in Frond's name was that?"

"Looks like we have to re-write just about everything about the Mud People and the theories behind magic."

"That for sure. I'm going to gather the Council together. This is… too big for us to decide. We won't know if these… wizards are able to find out about us. If they do, we're in trouble. They've stayed in hiding far better than we did in the last hundred of years. You go and get Artemis. Don't allow any risks – Artemis is a weapon now."

"Sure. I'll be back ASAP."

Still not believing the event she just had witnessed, her wings descended and followed the Bugatti Veyron of Artemis. About five minutes later, Butler stopped at a fuel station; Holly landed without the tiniest noise right behind Artemis and whispered in his ear: "We need to talk, now!"

Artemis cursed silently, but whispered back: "Get in the car, we'll talk once Butler has filled the tank and we're on the road again. We've got to get away from here and back home before someone notices us."

Three minutes later, Butler had filled the tank and paid the automatic fuel pump with his charge's MasterCard and they were on the M1, driving north.

Artemis could not resist the question: "How did you know? And why are you here?"

"Actually, Foaly had warned me. I was on the surface to fill up my tank at least a little bit, and then he called. If it were not for these new wings, I wouldn't have made it in time. You know, I was like 5km away… now you: What. Was. That."

"This is my natural talent."

"Your WHAT?"

"Yeah, exactly. Most wizards apparently cause only minor things to happen the first time they use a wand. You know, spawn birds, flowers or a nice firework. But I apparently have either a lot of talent or the combination of the fairy magic and the human magic I'm able to wire together make me extremely powerful.

The guy who sold me the wand, people reckon he's by far the best wandmaker, has never seen anything like me before. To be honest, I blew his back-office wall to pieces, I'm not surprised he hasn't seen anything like this before."

"So, you basically had no training and were able to blow up a god-damned wall and a warehouse?!"

"That pretty much describes it. I also got loads of books about how humans perform magic… even something about magical potions."

Now Foaly, who had listened all the time through Holly's helmet, could not resist any more and started the holo projector:

"Fowl, you mean… like… alchemy? Forget it. I've read lots of the books we were able to recover from the Middle Ages as the Mud Men burned each other in order to eliminate wizards. We've tried every recipe, added warlock magic, just everything. Nothing worked. How could it, we never actually saw a real human wizard. We put all that stuff off as fake."

"Nice hologram there, I guess you also had a peek at Koboi Labs' computers?"

Down below, Foaly blushed like a kid caught at some mishap. "Yeah, just like you. Doesn't look like she could do anything against it, so why care?"

"I don't care, at least. Anyway, looks like the wizards have disappeared somewhen around the Middle Ages, and the People apparently never knew of anything. The buildings, the clothing style… everything fits.

They did discover some 'modern' stuff though, they got animated newspapers, though still written on parchment, and tube-based radio. They managed to create fine dimensional tunnels, though.

Better than No. I's, I'm afraid to say. Seamless, permanent and in both directions. Oh, and no upkeeping necessary, at least not from what I've seen."

"Not bad, the tunnels at least are an explanation why they or their energy haven't popped up on any scanners or our own eyes.

The problem is, Fowl: we have absolutely no idea how they will react when they find out about us. If they're able to distinguish the fairy magic part from the human magic part of you, then there will be problems.

They might be hostile, they might be neutral, they might want to ally with us. We got technology far superior to theirs, but they control magic in a far more detailed way than even No. I and Qwan together. Would you mind a short conference below ground?"

Seeing this was a rhetorical question, Artemis replied "Not at all. Don't know how much time we'll need to Ireland, I'm afraid."

"No reason to travel so far… you forgot Stonehenge? If you manage 90 minutes, you can make it down real fast."

"We're on our way."

Butler turned at the next exit and floored the gas pedal. He didn't care about speed limits, as both he and Artemis had more than enough money and fake driver's licenses to get themselves out.

One hour later, the Bugatti stopped five hundred meters away from the famous site. Holly shielded and exited the car after Artemis. Two minutes later, they had located and entered the hidden entrance.

**A/N: University exams over, job started. Finally. Sorry for the long wait, I had some serious stuff to get done. My thanks go to the three reviewers since the last chapter. To answer the questions:**

** RRW: Accidents happen, yes, but Artemis is a lot more powerful than anyone who buys his first wand at eleven. That and a total lack of experience and control is a recipe for disaster. Mulch and Ron is an excellent idea, I'll think of a nice way how I can combine the two. And someone will have to clean up after Artemis and the warehouse, the point is just that the MoM has no control over Artemis – being over 17, he has no trace on him and his wand is too "fresh" to have been registered anywhere… wait for the next chapters, though. I'll let the MoM have some fun :D**

** darkemoperson: No, I don't have any beta readers… yet. all: some volunteers? :)**

**In the A/N of the next chapter, I'll give you some other REALLY interesting HP fanfics. One of the authors has exactly written how I think about magic theory, so I strongly suggest to read it and the other ones are long, but are among the best story lines I've ever read.**

**As usual, pls R&R – and thanks for the hundreds of hits this story got so far. If you're interested in something short, take a look at my other fanfic **_**Insomnia**_**!**

**A/N: I've changed my author nickname for privacy reasons.**


	10. Considerations

**Considerations**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 8:30 PM

WHERE: Haven City, Police Plaza, LEP HQ, Conference Room #1

"So, " Council Chairman Cahartez began, "here we are. We" – he pointed towards the other Council members – "have had some debates in the last days about you and your new _ahem_ talents. We know that the discoveries you made – including these intelligent goblins on the upper world – are to be ground-breaking, if anyone hears about these. Same for that dimensional tunnel stuff – I, frankly, don't have any idea what Foaly tried to tell me, but he sounded like it was pretty serious stuff – and the fact that the Mud People wizards disappeared in the Middle Ages instead of, as we thought until today 6:45 PM, ten thousand years ago… to bring it to a point: we reversed our decision that the magic in your body should be flushed out.

You and your family also are allowed to keep your memories of the People, but in exchange for this we want your help: We cannot directly contact the human Wizarding population, and they have apparently no knowledge about us. We want it to stay this way until the People can vote on how to deal with the situation. Your job is now to gain knowledge and to report it to us."

Artemis had expected this – as the fairies all had seen the feature of the warehouse wrecking, they were unlikely to try to stop him. For what everyone thought, even No. 1 was no match against him.

"What about the People? What exactly are you going to tell them? I'm pretty sure lots of the fairies think that I'm still a crazy crackhead… your _brilliant_ therapists sold my most private memories, obtained by replacing my blood with a drug cocktail, on the book market.

If they catch any sign of that I am involved here, they'll kick you out of office and I can't imagine I'm going to get out unharmed, too."

Foaly blushed deeply, as it had been _his_ suggestion to employ Dr. Argon and the other psychiatrists, even though he knew they were so keen on "helping" Artemis in order to make an even bigger fortune for themselves in book and movie licenses.

"You know my media _spin doctoring_ experience. I think, as long as we can keep our money-sniffing doctor team on a leash, I can influence the public's opinion of you in a… let's say… _positive_ way.

After all, you delivered us proof that human Wizards exist. But one thing is dangerous: _you_ might be able to influence the Mud People so that our two worlds can at least co-exist. The two Opals though, they _do_ make me worried. They are, combined, intelligent enough to figure out how to find you. Even in other dimensions. If this happens, we are all doomed."

Trouble Kelp spoke up: "Quite correct. But I've got an idea: give Artemis a year to train himself. Looks all like you have the talent, now you just need some skills… Given how destructive you can be already, I think all it needs to get the two Opals out of our way is one of your blasts right into their bunker.

In fact, we got some intel showing that they have abducted two cosmetic doctors and one of the world's best-known female hormone experts. We just need to find these three or medical equipment they order, so we can track them down."

"What? They want a beauty salon, these two?" Butler asked.

"Unlikely, at least they're not doing it for beauty itself. Opal has already transformed herself once, and I think she wants to transform her younger self into human form, too. The hormone expert is, so I think, their assurance that Young Opal won't lose her magic like Old Opal. Or, to restore the magic of Old Opal"

Now Artemis had a question: "No. I, are you experienced now in cross-dimensional telepathy or communication?"

"You know, the simulations… I can at least transmit my own thoughts now without the receiver getting hungry in an instant. When I try to read simulated thoughts, though, the only thing I am receiving is the smell and taste of cheeseburgers."

"Cheeseburgers? You mean that awful Mud People fastfood?", Holly laughed.

"Yes, unfortunately the taste is not as funny or good as you think, Holly. Really, it's disgusting. Pure animal fat!"

The last sentence made Holly understand immediately what was going on: Poor No. I always was reminded of the horrible fat-barrel "episode" which had temporarily robbed him of all his powers and nearly had both of them killed. By Butler, of all persons.

"So, at least you can transmit bits of information to me. Excellent. I'll take some of my equipment with me, then. Nothing too complex, but I think with a series of tubes and a correctly aligned antenna, I might be able to get something through, too.

If it does not work, I also have got an owl. Wizards can use them to transport letters, but I don't want to solely rely on a bird. Oh, and I'll also take my fairy comm set. At least I can play video games, then."

"Your _what_? Where did you get this?" Cahartez asked.

"It was me. I wanted to stay in contact with him after I resigned, following Ark Sool's behavior back when that traitor got promoted to my boss. Figured I could need Artemis' advice with the PI company…", Holly explained.

"We'll talk about this later," Cahartez sighed.

"Okay, Fowl, you're clear to go. Do us and yourself the favor though and go to the parking lot through the back entrance, there will be a shuttle waiting for you and Butler. No need to irritate the People even more."

Artemis, Butler and Holly stood up and exited the room, Holly leading the way.

As soon as they were walking down an empty corridor, Holly asked Butler: "May I have a private word with Artemis, please?"

"Sure. If any place in here is private enough for you," his eyes pointing towards a security camera. Holly opened the next door and locked it after she and Artemis were inside.

The dim light of the rescue exit sign was barely enough for Artemis to recognize they were in a locker room for cleaning utilities.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, lightly confused.

Holly did not answer, instead she embraced the human and kissed him.

**A/N: Yes, yes, I know not all of you like AF/HS. I'll keep my fingers from writing anything explicit – seriously. I'm a dude and have a rather… technical style of writing. Sex scenes are nothing I could write without the result being gross and unreadable.**

**Not much longer and you'll see Artemis returning to the magical world. Stay tuned :)**


	11. Unexpected

**Unexpected**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 6:50 PM

WHERE: Ministry of Magic, Auror Office, Harry Potter's office

"ALL AURORS MEET IMMEDIATELY AT BRIEFING ROOM", the robotic voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt sounded through a speaker in Harry's office.

"Screw that, always before shift end!", Harry exclaimed and got up. Just one week in full service after that assassination attempt and this was the third time something happened right before the shift end.

The last two times it only were drunk kids copying the once-popular joke of hexing public toilets while under the Trace (which made the arrests a pretty short-forward process), but the problem was that each of these cases had left one hour of memory modifying and two hours of pointless paperwork. Even famous Harry Potter, vice-lead of Auror Squad, was not immune to red tape.

As he entered the briefing room, it was already filled up. His old buddy Ron was the last to appear (as usual), and Kingsley immediately began to speak.

"This" – he pointed towards an animation of a burning building that appeared with a flick of his wand – "happened like ten minutes ago. We have absolutely no information who it was, a scan done two minutes after the explosion showed up no witnesses in five kilometers around the location. The whole area is deserted since around 2008."

Ron asked: "Any Death Eater traces? Magical remains? How do we know this was not a Muggle with some weapon to test or Muggle terrorists planning their next attack?"

"We got magical echo there. The whole warehouse has been subjected to energies so intense that they, even minutes after the accidents, left more than visible traces. John" – he pointed to John Redstone, his successor as Auror leader after Kingsley had become Minister – "has tried to find out if the signature of the magic has showed up already in earlier crimes. The point is: there is no evidence that it was any British wizard. I've owled the German, Russian and French authorities, maybe it was an escapee."

"What about Muggles near the scene? Did they already begin investigating?" Harry asked.

"Yes, they launched a whole terrorist squad there and arrived moments after John left. They won't find anything other than stone, though. Thank god they have no idea about magic… but it might be an idea to tell the Prime Minister what's going on."

"So, what are we going to do?", Harry asked.

"We wait until tomorrow and let the Muggles finish their job. No need to make them suspicious, the total lack of evidence is enough for them without seeing a large number of people strolling around in a deserted area. John has already magically sealed the whole site – no wizard except an Auror and no magical creature is able to go nearer than 1km around the warehouse remains.", Kingsley answered.

Two minutes later, Harry and Ron exited the briefing room. "Jesus, I thought it was another oh-so-urgent toilet once again. What do you think: what was this?", Harry asked his partner.

"Not the faintest idea, man. But I hope we can nail the one behind this down. And quickly. In terms of destruction this seems like someone tries to copy Death Eaters… but who? All the old folks got locked away for long times, and the young ones… I don't believe anyone of them was it. We, after all, have got their magic signatures, and this one doesn't match any other we know."


	12. Surface

**Surface**

WHEN: August 20, 2010 – 10:00 PM

WHERE: Tara, outside the hidden entrance

"So, now that Holly is back on her way to Haven: What did you two do back down?" Butler asked his charge.

"Nothing too serious, but I bet I'd be a laugh everywhere if Mulch hears even the most vague reference. You know, he and his opinion of cross-species… I'm 100% sure he also fancies someone non-dwarf. After all, I cant't imagine a normal life for him", Artemis said and grinned.

Half an hour later, the Bugatti, which the fairies had transported somehow to Tara, arrived at Fowl Manor.

"Arty!" The voice unmistakably belonged to the young Fowl twins, who came running towards their old brother as he entered the main hall. "MOOOM! Arty's back!" they yelled totally in sync.

Both of Artemis' parents descended from the stairs leading to the upper bedrooms.

"So, how is the wizarding world?", Artemis Fowl Senior asked.

"A bit… difficult. No technology at all, but their control over magic is marvelous. And they got massive riches."

"Oh no, Artemis. Don't even think about it. You promised me you'd never go on the wrong side of the law again, remember?" was the immediate reply of Angeline, followed by _that_ eye-roll of both her son and her husband.

"Are you able to control magic with your fingers, like the fairies?" Beckett asked.

"No, I need a wand for accessing human magic powers. Fairy healing should still work, though I've not tried it so far. There's a lot of potential in me, though."

"How do you know?"

The answer came from Butler: "He blew up a wall and a warehouse with absolutely no training."

"A WHAT?!" all others exclaimed.

"Yes, a wall and a warehouse. I did the wall while choosing the wand, it was an accident – but nevertheless it left a good-sized hole. The warehouse belonged to good old Jon Spiro or what's left of his rotten company after the Phonetix job. Even if it doesn't hurt Spiro anymore, as he's locked up for a couple of years, it felt a bit relieving."

"Hold short, the Spiro warehouse in London?" his father asked.

"Exactly this one. How did you know?"

"Actually it's all over the television, someone managed to point a camera into the sky as you blew it up. Pretty impressive fireball, they reckon it was about 100m high. The investigators have absolutely no clue what in gods name it was. Right now they're searching for traces of explosives which Spiro's goons may have left."

"And if you did your job well, they won't find anything, I suppose?" his mother asked.

"No, no, only a bit of tire gum on the street. Even if they think they have tracked it to us, we got an excellent alibi. After all, even with our short interruption in Haven we made the journey back way faster than if we had ignored all speed limits," he reassured his mother.

**A/N: Short chapter, to be followed by another short one. After all, one of the main characters is Short. Okay, enough of the word plays, happy reading and please R&R.**


	13. CSI

**C.S.I.**

WHEN: August 21, 2010 – 10:00 AM

WHERE: Muggle World, London, Old Spiro Compound

Even half a day after the explosion, the cops had sealed off every so small entrance into the 2km secure zone around the old Spiro warehouse. And they were right to do so, as hordes of journalists, spectators and even a few people who had to work on Saturday tried to get in the zone. But the lockdown worked so far, and the explosives department was able to work in peace.

Then suddenly, the bomb squad was alerted. _CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. CRACK._

And suddenly, ten hooded figures with long sticks in their hands had appeared on the street in front of the warehouse remains. The ten wizards, led by John Redstone and the famous Harry Potter, immediately swarmed out and stunned the whole bomb squad.

The same ten _CRACK_ noises occurred on the other side of the police lockdown. The ten wizards emerging from the air here were dressed in black, expensive suits and carried important-looking bags. Together, they went from the backyard where they had appeared and went directly through the crowd, flashing their MI6 cards. "We're taking this from here. Recall all your units immediately, this is a state affair now," Ron Weasley, the leader of the 2nd team, said.

"Understood. Alan, you heard that MI6 dude, do as he commanded!", the police captain answered. He did not notice the nine other "MI6" agents taking out their wands and doing crowd-dispersing spellwork.

Five minutes later, the whole area was deserted as before Artemis had blown up the warehouse. The reporter crowd had been a bit more difficult to hex away than the cops and spectators, but a subtle hint about unknown biological weapons was really effective to scare off even those reporters who had been _embedded_ in various armed conflicts before.

Harry immediately recognized the work of a powerful wizard. "Ron, can you get over here? Might need your help with lifting some of that mess!" he exclaimed.

"See that 10x10 m piece of wall?" he asked his friend.

"Yap. On three. One. Two. Three. _Wingardium Leviosa!_", Ron replied. The massive wall piece managed to float only half a meter. Then it suddenly turned into red-white powder.

"Shit! What was that?" asked Ron, evidently confused.

"Exactly what I was afraid of. Whoever put off this job, he managed to destroy the whole structure of the warehouse. It's broken down to the dust level. This takes a massive amount of energy and skill, and I think this here was just a show-off for what is to come", Harry replied.

**A/N: …and here comes the advertising. During the next 5 minutes, you may take part in our telephone poll: Should Artemis be getting caught or not? Call +49 190 666 666 – 1 for Arty to get a prison sentence or – 2 for Arty walking away. (Seriously, do not call this number. It's fake. I'd be happy for a vote by review or PM, though :D)**


	14. Black Friday

**Black Friday**

WHEN: August 21, 2010 – 1:00 PM

WHERE: Ministry of Magic, Auror Office, Central Briefing Room

They were gathered in the huge briefing room once again, and no one was in a good mood. After all, the entire Auror department had not the faintest idea who could be behind this incident and even worse, they could only speculate about the power the unknown wizard had displayed.

Just as the Aurors were debating over a huge parchment roll of powerful wizard's names, Annie entered the "war room".

Usually smiling, everyone noticed the stressed look on the young secretary's face. Sighing heavily, she loaded off a pack of what appeared to be Muggle newspapers on the table.

"Just came in while I was busy floo-talking with the German Minister of Magic. Apparently they've found Gellert Grindelwald's body a couple of months ago, so he is definitely not responsible."

Harry answered: "Indeed, I have seen him being murdered by Voldemort. And it's good news they actually _found_ the body, so no one can repeat the trick Voldemort used to reclaim his body. Anyone ever heard of Grindelwald researching Horcruxes?"

Everyone shook heads. Then Harrys eyes fell on the top of the newspaper pile and he exclaimed: "Holy shit, this is on sale in the Muggle world right now?!"

The newspaper read in big, blocky letters:

**SPIRO INDUSTRIES WAREHOUSE BLOWN UP**

**ANY CONVENTIONAL EXPLANATIONS RULED OUT**

**SUPER-HUMAN POWERS SUSPECTED**

_Same time, Fowl Manor, Ireland_

Artemis sat in the huge surveillance room of the Manor, surfing on the Internet on a computer connected to six powerful FullHD projectors. Then, one of the red alert lights flashed and the right-most projection showed an image of the _Sun_ website. One glance at the headline that had showed up on the screen made clear why the red lights were active.

Ten seconds later, Artemis was directly connected to Foaly, some dozens of kilometers below ground. "Foaly, have you seen the _Sun_ website yet?"

"No. Let me check. … Oh no. Please tell me my eyes went mad or something."

**SPIRO INDUSTRIES WAREHOUSE BLOWN UP  
ANY CONVENTIONAL EXPLANATIONS RULED OUT**

**SUPER-HUMAN POWERS SUSPECTED**

_By Howard High_

_Yesterday's widely noticed explosion of the warehouse belonging to the now defunct Spiro Industries cannot be explained by any "normal" theory, police captain Jack Straw announced half an hour ago._

"_So far, we have searched the perimeter for traces of explosives or nuclear material; the gas pipes in the area have been out of service for some months now. Right now our last traces are reports about a biological weapon test, we are actively investigating this._

Sun_ reporter Howard High, however, did some more investigation. _Sun_ has obtained video-camera material from the investigation; these show that ten men appear out of nowhere and suddenly the massive crowd of spectators dissolves into nothingness. Other reporters who were present at the scene told the _Sun_ that they had experienced temporary amnesia. They were not able to give more details._

We have interviewed some of the country's most known parapsychologists, please continue on page 2.

**A/N: The **_**Sun**_** is a British boulevard "news"paper known for … well, anything other than news. Actually, reporting "parapsychological" stuff is typical for the German "news"paper BILD, but as this story takes place in GB, I took the local alternative.**


	15. Pointless

**Pointless**

WHEN: August 24, 2010 – 3:00 PM

WHERE: Fowl Manor, Artemis' room

"Can't believe the luck this Howard High has. Barely two months in the job, and he exposes the underworld," Artemis sighed.

The last days had left themselves on Artemis' face. The newspaper reporter had managed to mix up sightings of fairies as well as of human Wizards in his report. Most of it was probably just faked together, but at least one or two of the stories in the newspaper had some "real" touch – Artemis believed the stunt of a flying Ford Anglia to be true, and he knew out of own experience that the fairy in Ho Chi Ming really existed, even if this specific fairy didn't remember a single trace of him.

"I don't think they'll be able to prove anything. Not even if that wandmaker whose wall you've blown up mentions you. After all, they regard you as a total beginner. This _Prophet_ article says the Wizard police, I think they call them Aurors, is searching for powerful wizards," Butler stated.

"And that is what I'm hoping for. Anyway, what I did was kind of pointless. I should have chosen something smaller or maybe even something on the Manor. At least here I'd have been able to pass it off as a weapon test if some cops came to check," Artemis answered.

Then he noticed an owl flying towards his window.

He opened the window and the owl landed smoothly on the desk of Artemis. Nervously, Artemis unbound the letter from the owl's leg. It read:

_Dear Mr. Fowl,_

_attached to this letter there is one ticket for the Hogwarts Express. It will leave on the dot at 11:00 AM, September 1__st__, 2010. Please take this ticket with you, as it will provide you passage through the gateway of Platform 9 ¾. The gateway is the first of the huge stone pillars; the stone decoration has been embedded with a light-grey HE so you can easily find it._

_To enter, simply roll your carriage into the stone wall. Do not try to take any Muggles with you._

_Please enter the platform in Muggle clothing, you will be able to change and shower in the train. We also ask you not to use magic before you entered the platform, as well as in general vicinity of Muggles; we have to act like we do not exist. I am sure you read the Muggle newspaper report, please keep it in mind!_

_Sincerely,_

_Prof. Minerva McGonagall_

_Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

"Thank God. They don't suspect me for the moment," Artemis said and sat down on his chair, his face visibly relaxed.

"How am I supposed to protect you there? After all, they _might_ find out you were responsible from the warehouse. And I think there 'd be better locations for you than a Wizard prison," Butler said with worry written over his face.

"Yes, that is something I'd rather avoid. But I've read a bit of the Magic History books, apparently the Ministry of Magic is powerless when Hogwarts is involved. They've learned from the war some years ago."

"Might I borrow one of them?"

"Sure, I'll arrange for a copy to be shipped by owl so you'll also have one when I have gone. But I doubt you'll have much fun deciphering hand-written letters. They apparently don't have printing devices."

"I can decipher around 90% of the world's lettering systems, there should be no problems with old English typography."

"Well, then good luck. The books are stacked on my desk over there. Next thing I'm going to do is to call Foaly. I've got to talk something about the dimension locator with him, I sent him the schematics to examine."

"Oh, I'll save my eardrums for later and read that book of yours instead," Butler grinned and exited the room with _Modern Magic History_.

"Hey Artemis, you're calling at civilized times, I just finished lunch break. How can I help you?"

"Remember the schematics I sent you?"

"Yes. I've let No. I do a couple of magic blasts over your modified fairy comm. Unsurprisingly, your modifications have proven themselves worthy. The entire amount of No. I's magic didn't affect the device at all."

"Excellent. Have you been able to test the trans-dimensional beacons?"

"Half an hour ago, yes. After the blasting No. I was a bit exhausted. The beacons work just fine, I think spreading thirty of them around the globe can provide you with undisturbed navigation anywhere. Take a look at your FTP server, I pushed the new firmware for your fairy comm set, it can now use the beacons."

"Nice. How did you manage to hack it?"

"One of your USB sticks. It made the server connect back to me… and also owned pretty every networking device you have."

Artemis could only imagine the grin the centaur showed deep down the earth. _Shit. No more lurking around on Foaly's servers… too bad he found out._

"I take it that you stole the idea?"

"Indeed. I found several very… inspiring files on my private server. Congratulations there, and also to the $200 M from the NSA."

"You always have to find out everything, right?"

"You're just like me. Good luck in the Wizarding world, I've got some real work to do, schoolboy." he quitted the conversation.

**A/N: 1337 pr0 h4xx0r5, the two are. Thanks to all the reviewers!**

**By the way, anyone interested in magical theory? I've got a bit of scientific ideas, but I don't want to bore you to death (easy reason: readers make reviews and reviews make me happy. Dead readers don't give reviews ;)) Nope, for real now: I 3 all readers. **


	16. The Night All Angels Cry

**The Night All Angels Cry**

WHEN: September 1st, 05:00 AM

WHERE: Fowl Manor, Entrance Hall

_**Artemis**_

_Departure. Not that I don't know how it feels like. After all, I've spent my entire school life away in private schools. But this here is different. No Butler around me, I will be much older than all my classmates, living in a world which is just recovering from a horrible war. No family to call when I'm in problems, no real possibility to care for my money._

_Looks like I'll have to trust Dad not to invest the money I made into Russian duty-free cola again, but I think he'll surely manage to get a nearly as good stocks portfolio as I do. He's a Fowl, even if he's now greener than the Irish grass._

_But what will I do with or better without Holly? She made me feel like I did never before. When she's around, I feel less than a person with a shady past and present, more like someone with a (finally) normal life – and it is largely because of her that I am "normal" now._

_She can make me laugh even in the most extreme circumstances, she understands and accepts me just as I am, and for what it's worth, she can kiss really good. 80 years of experience make a difference there, I guess._

_**Holly**_

_I still can't believe the luck this Mud Man has. The first one in millennia to successfully steal fairy gold, youngest successful criminal in various kinds of crime, now he's managed to get himself into a school of human wizards… what is his next surprise?_

_Will he say what I think he does? That he loves me? I do not know, but I hope so. Despite how our history began, he has changed into a person whom I can love without being ashamed of myself… and I think it was worth changing him._

_He even went back in time to save his mother, and he managed to reverse what 'd have been death for me on Hybras. I love him and probably always will._

**Fowl Manor**

Artemis had said goodbye to his parents and the twins already last evening before they went to bed, so there were only Butler and Holly standing quietly talking in the main hall as Artemis came down the stairs, carrying a huge trunk with all his stuff.

Together, they walked out of the house, and Artemis looked back exactly once at the magnificent front door: "Still can't believe I'm not going to be able to come back if there are problems. But times change: I'm a legal adult now and should be able to live my own life."

Butler drove, or better raced, the Bentley to London, while Artemis and Holly sat in the shielded back part of the armored limousine. After half an hour of driving, Butler glanced at the middle mirror… and immediately had to grin widely: Artemis and Holly had fallen asleep, tightly hugging each other. _Times change indeed_, he thought and accelerated even more.

**A/N: Once again, a shorty, I'm sorry – I split up this chapter so I'll be able to read the reviews on the "emotional" part of the story (it's my first time writing emotional stuff, don't want to mess up completely :P). If someone wants to pre-read the next chapter, please PM me!**

**Oh, and bonus points for those who manage to guess the meaning of the title!**


	17. Lost and Found

**Lost and Found**

WHEN: September 1st, 09:00 AM

WHERE: Great Britain, London, A40

Being a professional driver, Butler wasn't irritated by the whirring that came with lowering the armor glass separating the two halves of the Bentley. What had surprised him, though, was Artemis' attitude. He looked energized – even more than before the presentation of The Project. "Morning, Butler. Everything OK so far?" he asked.

"Sure. Might be the car needs new plates and I need a new faked driver's license, though – I hit some speed traps on the way," Butler answered, earning a somehow strange look from Holly, who was indeed a cop with every part of her body and didn't approve of severely breaking traffic laws just to get faster to London.

"Ah well, I'll need to hack into some stuff anyway to explain why I'll be missing for a year, then I'll fake you some ten or twenty identities together," Artemis sighed and pulled out his netbook. Ten minutes later, the government databases showed fifteen new residents at various Fowl-owned estates, each one with a wildcard drivers license, allowing the bearer (which always was Butler) to drive any kind of vehicle on British roads.

Holly could barely keep up with the speed her boyfriend showed typing on the laptop, so she decided to wrap her arms around him: a really effective strategy to get Artemis' attention, she thought, and was proven correct.

"I guess Foaly owes you a beer now. You successfully prevented me from hacking his servers again, honey." he said and before she could react in any way, he kissed her.

For some reason, he didn't even care that his netbook fell down on the car floor as he and Holly shared their first true and passionate kiss.

"Wow. That was… unexpected," Holly said, her eyes locked into Artemis'.

"I know, but it was a totally enjoyable experience," Artemis replied. Of course, Holly _always_ had to respond to people surprising her – so she unlocked their seatbelts with one swift motion and launched herself on him. This time, Butler closed the window.

**One and a half hours later, London / King's Cross Railway Station**

"Hey lovebirds back there, we've arrived!" Butler called into the back of the car, where Artemis and Holly were tightly wrapped into each other.

"Too bad, we were just getting comfortable." the _lovebirds_ replied from behind.

While they slowly got out of the seat they had shared, Butler lifted the heavy trunk and the owl carriage of Artemis on a baggage handler and sighed something alike "I'm getting too old for this".

Butler locked the car and the three went inside the station. Butler immediately noticed at least ten baggage handlers with owls on them, which were on the way to the stone pillar between the platforms 9 and 10.

"Guess we aren't too late or at the wrong place. I can spot minimum ten baggage handlers with owls on them," he told Artemis and Holly, the latter having shielded in the public place.

Together, the three walked towards the stone pillar. Artemis looked directly into Butler's eyes and said: "My friend, hereby you're relieved of your duty. You have serviced me for as long as I can think, with hardly any break. My last ever order to you will be: relax and do something different than escorting me to highly dangerous places".

Butler had thought so much before and wasn't surprised by the words of his former employer – however he could not keep back some tears.

"I will, I promise" was all he was able to get out.

Artemis then turned his head to the right, where he knew that Holly was.

"I'll write you. Every second of my life there I'll think you. Goodbye Holly", he said barely audible.

He feared he had spoken too quiet, but a whisper of "I love you, Artemis" in his right ear quickly calmed him.

Then, Artemis took the baggage handler and walked right into the stone pillar.

"Now, Holly, his fate is not in our hands anymore. I'm kind of feeling empty, you know." he whispered.

Of course that looked a bit strange as no one was visible near him, but then the King's Cross Railway Station was filled with enough strange people to prevent him from being noticed. Together, the two walked back to the car.

Meanwhile, Artemis looked around on the platform. Hundreds of wizards of every age were either already sitting in the train or standing on the platform. Everyone was wearing "Muggle" clothing, though, as they all had to enter through the stone pillar gateway.

As he had no one to talk to, he lifted his trunk into the train and sat in the first empty cabin he could find. Until right before the departure the compartment remained empty – the sight of Artemis without anyone of his friends was not really welcoming.

Then, the train began to move and three teenage boys entered the compartment. "Hey, are the remaining places still free?", the biggest of them asked.

"Yeah, sure, come in. Finally, someone not spooked by my looks", Artemis replied.

"Totally cool, dude. I'm Steve, this " – he pointed to the "middle-sized" boy – "is Marvin, and Mister Handsome over there" – he pointed to the smallest, but best-looking guy – "is George. Who're you? I mean, I've never seen ya before, and while you're old, you're a bit too young to be a teacher. Foreign student?" George noticed.

"I'm Artemis Fowl the Second, born and raised in Ireland. Technically I'm supposed a first-grader, but… I mean, I'm some like eight years older than them. I've got no idea how they want to manage it. Bet they'll let me jump over some classes or put me with the older students."

"Hold short. You said _Fowl_? That name rings a bell somewhere… wait… you're so NOT the Fowl that managed to get Spiro Industries bankrupt years ago and sent Spiro behind bars for life? My mum told me last Christmas."

"Yes, I did bankrupt Spiro Industries. After all, he tried to rip me off, but no one messes with me without consequences", Artemis replied with his typical vampire smile.

"Holy crap, I'm so honoured to meet you. He ripped off my mum, too. You see, she was once one of his best engineers, then he fired her when she didn't want to… you-know-what with him," Steve said.

"No problem there, I am welcome to have helped your mother. What grades and houses are you in?" Artemis had to ask.

"We're all in our third year now. I'm a Gryffindor, Marvin is a Hufflepuff and George is in Slytherin.

I'm a bit of a troublemaker, Marvin is excellent at getting people out of trouble, which in most cases is me, and George is a natural fighter and a skilled duelist. I bet you'll end up in Ravenclaw. If the stories my mom told me about the Fowl Empire are only half true, you gotta have lots of brains."

"I do have. Fifteen Ph. D. titles, five M. Sc. titles, and around two hundred books published under pseudonyms or my real name. Bet I'll be able to master magic pretty fast, too."

"Yeah, you probably will," George said. "Actually, you might want to check out the duel clubs. People with good reflexes and skill aren't easy to find, and the Hogwarts Duel Club has run out of worthy opponents", he added with a sad face.

"How did you manage to get into Hogwarts only now?", Marvin wondered. "I mean, normally you get your letters at the age of 11. You look so like 18 to 20 years old, mate."

"Indeed. My parents are both Muggles, I think my other talents simply overshadowed the magic until I had them fully developed," Artemis responded.

Then, a young redhaired wizard knocked on the door.

"Hi, I'm George and the driver of the snack van. What can I sell you?", he asked them.

"Uh… about twenty of everything you've got, as long as you don't rip me off with the price," Artemis replied. "Whoa, you _do_ have a lot of money then. 40 galleons, then, please." Artemis handed the money to George and got about a trunkload worth of sweets in return.

All Steve could say was: "Looks like you found three friends and we can throw a nice party in here, man."

**A/N: About time to update. Hope this chapter is long enough for your pleasure. I also have decided on some parts of the story line and got a rough idea how to fill the year (which I shamefully procrastinated, and thus the updates came so slow). If someone has ideas for the story line or wants loose ends from the books to be extended, please drop me a PM or a review.**

**You're also kindly asked to review even if you don't have suggestions for the storyline – as in every FF, the rule #1 (Reviews make Writers happy) applies here, too ;)**

**Okay, I'm going to stop blubbering around now, it's 0325 local time here now. What? Holy ****.**


	18. Travel

**Travel**

WHEN: September 1st, 15:00 AM

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Dozens of sweet packages had made the bin overflow just ten minutes after the "party" began, so the floor of the compartment was not recognizable any more.

Steve, Marvin and George were telling Artemis a couple of stories about Hogwarts, as the voice of the snack van driver sounded through the train: "We will be arriving at Hogsmeade Central in ten minutes. Please change your clothing and pack up your trunks. They will be carried into the school for you."

"What? In the name of Merlin, time went fast," Marvin said. The three others nodded and changed into their wizard robes. "Damn, you're really rich as hell, man. Impressive dress there," George said with an approving look.

"Yes. I am so not the dude wearing t-shirts… they are looking far too cheap for me. After all, I was born into one of the most powerful families in Europe, and I have to represent my family, even where no one knows them. Or me," Artemis replied.

Soon after they had all dressed and cleaned up the compartment, the brakes of the train screeched as the train driver lowered the pressure in the pneumatic system. Then, the lights in the compartment went on and the train entered a tunnel.

"Right now, we're driving 50 meters below earth. Hogsmeade Central is built right under Hogsmeade, so the pupils don't have to cross the Forbidden Forest any more. Two years ago, wild Hippogriffs tried to chase after the Thestrals pulling the carriages, so they have stopped driving the pupils without any guidance. You'll still get the boat tour, though," Steve explained.

"Sorry, what? I know Hippogriffs, they're third-year stuff, but what are Thestrals?" Artemis asked.

"Thestrals are strangely mutated horses which can fly. The point is, you can only see them if you've seen someone die. So if you see them, you've seen someone die. I can't, and I'm kinda happy with that."

_Butler. Holly. The footage of Commander Root's Root's fiery downfall. Vinyáya. I've seen far too many deaths. Luckily I could at least save two people from death._

Obviously, remembering all this left traces on his face.

"You look like you're about to faint, mate, and you were pretty white in your face as we entered the compartment. Can we help you?" Marvin asked.

"No, thanks. I've just seen damn enough in my life."

"We believe you. If you want to talk, simply do it."

"Maybe I'll come back on your offer, but not now. Let's hope that the Wizarding society is a bit more peaceful than the Muggle world."

Together, the four exited the train. Steve, Marvin and George headed off to the Gringotts-like carriages, while Artemis followed the "FIRS' YEARS OVER 'ERE" call of a man sized at least double the height of Butler.

He followed the giant, who introduced himself as Hagrid, as they walked the stairs to Hogwarts Lake, where dozens of small boats, each equipped with two seats and a spooky-green lantern at the front.

"Mister Fowl? You come with me please, you're too heavy for 'em boats. They'd jus' sink with ya!" Hagrid called.

_Oookay. This Hagrid makes Butler look tame. Double the size, five times the weight. That guy could quench a troll with his small finger._

With a tip from his wand, Hagrid made the small boats move across the water. Then, Artemis noticed something in the water… it reminded him of something. Something huge and bad.

"WHAT?" he exclaimed as he remembered what the object in the water was. "Mr. Hagrid, you're keeping a magical Squid in here?"

"Yep, and a pretty impressive one at that. Fully grown, and very active. You lookin' for a career in Magical Creatures, then? Oh and by the way, call me Hagrid."

"I'm looking into general Wizarding education at the moment; I haven't decided yet what career path I should pursue," Artemis replied.

_Now THIS one will make Foaly fall on his hairy behind. Even the shadows of this squid are three times larger than the squid I battled near Atlantis._

"Ah, okay. When you're in third grade, choose Care of Magical Creatures. I'm the teacher for the subject and, well, I haven't seen anyone as bright as you since the days of Hermione Granger."

"Granger? You mean the wife of Ronald Weasley, and friend of Harry Potter?"

"Yep, exactly her. Looks like you're a bookworm, like her. Take care of yourself, don't want to see a young dude like you sitting in a library all day. Enjoy your life while you have it," Hagrid said with a strange determination in his voice.

_So, he has seen and experienced death, too. Good to know, I think he may be full of stories about the war that George mentioned in Diagon Alley._

While both were in deep thought, the boats lined up on the "harbor" of Hogwarts and the soon-to-be pupils gathered on the shore.

"OKAY, YE' ALL. LET'S GO! DON'T WANT TO LEAVE SOMEONE BEHIND, SO SPEED UP!" he yelled among the hundred young kids.

He knocked two times on the huge main door of the castle. One of the biggest castles Artemis had ever seen, and he immediately wondered how it was kept together. After all, the building seemed to defy almost all laws of gravity, building integrity and static calculations. Same as the Diagon Alley, probably.

The door was opened by an aged woman with brilliant-green glasses, but by the look in her eyes Artemis could have sworn she was not even twenty years old.

"Hello, future students of Hogwarts. My name is Minerva McGonagall and I am the current Headmistress of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please follow me now to the waiting room," she greeted them all.

With Hagrid and Artemis at the front, the group walked into the waiting room, which was built in old Gothic style and had the walls decorated with portraits of various wizards. Artemis could read "Albus Dumbledore", "Severus Snape", "Nymphadora Tonks" and "Remus Lupin" before McGonagall began with her short speech:

"Students, you will be sorted into the four Houses of Hogwarts. For those who do not know, the specific values which are typical for a House member are as follows:

Gryffindor pupils are known for courage, bravery, loyalty, nerve and chivalry.

Hufflepuff pupils are known for hard work, tolerance, loyalty, and fair play.

Ravenclaw pupils are known for intelligence, creativity, learning, and wit.

Slytherin pupils are known for ambition, cunning, leadership and resourcefulness.

Your House is like your family. You share classes with the other pupils from your House and with the pupils from other houses. You sleep in the dormitories of your House, and share a bedroom with your classmates. You will spend free time mostly in the Common Room of your House, and you are allowed to use the facilities of Hogwarts except the Forbidden Forest until 10 PM. Pupils found out of house after curfew will be given detentions.

I may also add that hexing other people is forbidden outside of the class rooms and the Duel Room, as well as it is forbidden to enter the Forest without guidance of a teacher. This is for your safety, as those who have read _Hogwarts History, Second Edition_ will know. Those who don't are encouraged to get a copy from the library and read it.

Now, when your name is called, you are to go through the golden door and sit down on the throne. Then, the Sorting Hat will be placed on your head and sort you into your new House. Once you have been Sorted, you are to sit at the table of your House. Further instructions are provided by the Heads of Houses. May your wishes become true."

Then, she left through the golden door.

Half a minute later "Alphard, Jones" was called, and the Sorting had begun.

**A/N: I am writing this sitting in my Volkswagen T4, waiting for the ADAC and 10 liters of diesel fuel. Apparently, I've run out of gas. Shame on me. Ah well, even a car breakdown has its uses, as you can see. I hope you enjoyed reading… and even more shame on me, I left you with a cliffhanger.**

**Sure, this was intentional. My intention is to get reviews. So, please review, and I'll post the next chapter. Sounds like a deal, right?**


	19. Sörting Hät

**Sörting Hät**

WHEN: September 1st, 17:00

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Barely ten minutes had passed, but Artemis felt more nervous than ever. Luckily, the voice of Professor McGonagall called "Fowl, Artemis", before he got a heart attack from waiting.

Without realizing what he was doing, his legs walked Artemis to the stool and Professor McGonagall placed the hat on his head. The entire hall was quiet so they were able to listen what the Hat said.

"Oooh, what have we here. Young Artemis Fowl the Second. My, you're by far the worst case I've ever had. Worse even than Harry Potter… like him, you are an extremely talented and multi-faceted character. You show courage and loyalty towards your friends, and you'd even change time to save one of them. All of which 'd make you the ideal Gryffindor.

Then again, you have what it takes to be a Ravenclaw: Your skill surpasses everything I've seen before. In fact, not even the Dark Lord or Dumbledore himself have had your raw talent and power. Your ability to plan things through and your enormous amount of knowledge is something rarely seen in combination with such a young wizard. Well trained you are, indeed.

Partially, you also have the typical Hufflepuff values: you have demonstrated very often that you can and will work hard and that you're tolerant towards anything. Yet, you'd better not go into Hufflepuff. Not with your brains, and no offense to the Hufflepuffs.

Finally, you'd make the ideal Slytherin: Your ambition is pretty much endless. With twelve years, you've successfully managed to lead one of the most powerful Muggle crime families, and not so much time later you…"

_Enough, please. The public doesn't need to know more than they already do,_ Artemis thought.

"Sure. But now, you have to decide. I'd personally tend to put you into Slytherin, as you, based on your past, will find home there. But you 'd more like to go into Ravenclaw, am I correct?"

_Yes. Not only gold is power… knowledge is, too – and it's far more powerful than gold._

"So, then it will be RAVENCLAW!" the Hat yelled. While the Ravenclaw students applauded loudly for the possibly oldest "newcomer" in Hogwarts history, the students of the other Houses, especially the Slytherin ones (which had noticed the "led-a-crime-family" part) looked sad as they knew that Artemis was not just an ordinary student – he was a valuable asset in the hunt for House Points.

Professor McGonagall took the hat off Artemis' head and he calmly walked to a seat on the Ravenclaw table, which happened to be next to the seat of George.

"So, " George said, "apparently I was right that you'd end up in Ravenclaw. Brains like you… the Hat is never wrong."

Before Artemis could respond, though, his eyes were hit by a menacing glare from McGonagall, so both boys turned towards their table and looked to the Hat, where "Grimsdóttir, Anna" was sorted into Gryffindor.

**A/N: Short, yes, but I thought it 'd be irresponsible to keep you waiting for an update. Next chapter: Om nom nom aka Teh Welcome Feast. Om nom nom. Let's see who cooks better: Butler or the House Elves.**

**To reduce the time till the next chapter, you are kindly asked to review. delay_between_chapters = 365d / number_of_reviews… :D**

**PS: Artemis 'd be an ideal candidate for Slytherin, but remember he's not that evil anymore… oh, and I got my car fixed.**


	20. Om nom nom

**Om Nom Nom**

WHEN: September 1st 2010, 18:30

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

After all the students were sorted and well-fed with meals even Artemis could neither count nor name all, Professor McGonagall stood up from the head of the Teacher Table and the hall fell silent.

"Students, before you all go to our Common Rooms, let me say a couple of words.

Firstly, Argus Filch, the housekeeper, has put up a list of Banned and Classified Objects on the notice wall of each Common Room. Students caught in possession or usage of any of those items will be punished. This list includes a wildcard ban on every joke item available at the stores of a certain Mr. Weasley.

The Astronomy lessons, together with the Divination lessons, will be held in the Forbidden Forest under the guidance of the respective teachers, as the Towers will be re-built over the year. The doors marked with 'DO NOT OPEN' are labeled as such for a reason. I don't want anyone hurt, so don't even think about entering these doors.

The Heads of Houses will guide you all towards your Common Rooms now and provide you with the passwords. Do not forget them, or suffer the humiliation by your housemates if you decide to do so.

Thank you."

The students stood up and exited through the four gates at the other end of the hall. After following a never-ending series of stairs, hallways and passing through numerous doors, they arrived at the bottom of a steep spiral staircase.

"Hello all. My name is Rowan Johnson, and this" – he pointed to a tall, blonde 7th-year girl – "is Charlotte Clearwater. We are the Heads of Ravenclaw House this year. The password for this year is 'Peacekeeper'; as Professor McGonagall said, you'd be wise not to forget it. Let's go," he said and knocked on the metal door.

"Password?" it creaked and Rowan answered "Peacekeeper" correctly; the door vanished and in rows of two, the students ascended to another door, which proved to be the one for the Common Room.

While the older students quickly exited through numerous other doors, the younger ones were looking at the awesome sight. Mighty transparent arched windows allowed a 360° field of view. Together with the ceiling, which apparently was a flawless projection of the outside, the Ravenclaw Tower was an excellent spot for both romantic sunset watching and astronomy work.

"So, by the looks on your faces, I think you're all pretty astonished by the excellent view you get from up here. But enough on that for now.

You will spend the year with three or four roommates, and the sleeping rooms will be separated by gender. I advise everyone not to get into the others' sleeping rooms, for this will have unwanted side-effects. Every room is equipped with a shower and a toilet, as well as several lockers which can be accessed by tapping on the locks with your wand. The rooms will be cleaned, but I'd advise you to keep a certain level of cleanliness or you might end up having to clean yourselves.

When not in class, you may use the facilities like the library, the Potions laboratory or the Duel Rooms. Please return to the Common Room until 10PM, as being outside of it will bring you detentions. The Common Room has no limits, but I'd suggest you go to sleep at latest 11:30 PM so you can get enough sleep. Classes will start tomorrow 09:30AM with Transfiguration by Prof. McGonagall. Any questions?"

"Yes. Where can we enter the Quidditch teams and how about practice?", a young brown-haired witch asked. "Quidditch teams can be entered only after 2nd year except if you're not an extremely talented player; Flying Lessons will be Friday 6PM on the Quidditch field. Broom flying is allowed only on the castle grounds, not inside the castle. Anything else?"

"Uh, yes. Where are our rooms?", a young black-green-haired wizard asked. "Right over there, the door with '1st years' on it will lead you to your rooms. The names are written on the door, thanks for reminding me," Rowan answered.

As no one had any further questions, they went to the door and walked down a small spiral staircase. "Fowl, Redstone, Brewster" was written on the first door they went past, so Artemis opened the door and went inside.

The room was cylindrical, just like the Common Room and had the same windows. Then Artemis' eyes fell on the magnificent four-poster bed, which was even bigger than the one he had at his house. Just as he sat down on the bed, a "Whoa!" interrupted him. Two kids, one obviously of muggle-origin and not used to such decadent luxury, had entered the room.

"Hi, I'm Artemis Fowl the Second. You're Mr. Redstone and Mr. Brewster, I assume?"

"Yep. I'm Alex Redstone, and my friend is John Brewster. And you're really _the_ Artemis Fowl, head of the Fowl Crime empire?" Alex asked him.

"Rest assured, all funds have been made legitimate by now. Environmental investments tend to have a better payout rate than drugs and crime these days, you see." Artemis replied with his slightly arrogant voice.

"Whatever, as long as you don't try to rob your roommates, nice to meet ya," John said with a hint of a grin in his mouth.

**A/N: Up next, first Transfiguration lessons. Let's see if Artemis manages to do a spell without blowing the target up.**

**Some reviews that I want to answer to (and I hope I didn't forget anyone who asked a question. If yes, forgive and PM me, please):**

**1) Dark Wolf Greigar: Indeed, one of the next chapters will cover the theories of magic. This should also resolve the "unrealistic" comments regarding Artemis blowing up stuff.**

**2) Loella: Yes, there is. It's called "metal umlaut", look up the term in Wikipedia and keep it in mind for the winter holidays in Hogwarts. (This is something all of you should do *hint*)**

**3) Deadzeppelin: You're completely correct in your assumption, and I'll rewrite those when I got the time (which should be some time in the future).**

**4) : I won't, though I know I'm guilty of slowness. I promise to improve *cough***

**Of course, thanks to the other reviewers, too :)**

**By the way, the delay_between_chapters from last chapter was a joke, but as always, I love reviews! *hint***


	21. Ka Boom

**Ka Boom**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 08:00 AM

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Warm sun rays were shining through the windows of Artemis' bedroom as he woke up to the sounds of some tweeting birds. Yawning, he got out of his bed and went towards the bath room with a fresh set of clothes and his Armani shampoo bottle (of which he had stocked two year's worth of supply in his trunk).

While he was showering, his two young roommates also woke up, however they were still lying in their beds as Artemis exited the bathroom, already fully dressed and ready to go. "Good morning, both of you. I'll be down in the Great Hall for breakfast."

That being said, Artemis made his way through numerous staircases and noticed no stairs tried to trick him by suddenly turning around as they did to other pupils.

When he arrived at the Great Hall, he saw that the four big tables had been replaced with lots of smaller tables ranging from two to eight seats. Then his eye fell on a 2x2 table with Marvin, Steve and George sitting at it. As he arrived at the table, he noticed the three were discussing the Quidditch season:

"George, no matter what you believe, I bet ten Galleons that the Chudley Cannons will be this season's finalists. They've got Ginny Weasley, whatever drove her mad enough to join exactly that team that was the bottom-feeder of the league for longer than she lives. Oh, morning Artemis!" Steve said.

"Morning. Uh, where can I get food from?" he asked, as he felt totally hungry.

"Easy. Simply _think_ what you want to eat, and it will appear just in front of you," George replied.

_Hmm. Let's try it with BACON, EGGS AND CAVIAR!_, Artemis thought – and just as he finished thinking, a plate full of bacon, eggs and caviar appeared right in front of him.

"Awesome, I wish I had a table like this at home. Might cut down my food expenses radically," he joked.

"Too bad I have to tell you these plates are linked to the House Elves of Hogwarts. The magic will work, yes, but you still need an armada of cooks."

Artemis hadn't really been listening to anything George had mentioned after the words _House Elves_. "Say, these house elves, can one meet them?"

"Yeah, quite easy. Get out through the door over there, head down the staircase and walk through the corridor till you see a picture with fruits on it. Then just tickle the pear and the picture will turn into a door, leading right into the kitchen. Which is filled with them. The other way is to wait till way past midnight in your Common Room, but I think that's not worth the wait.

Besides, all they do there is cleaning, and as you Ravenclaws are known for _exceptional tidiness_, I doubt they'll appear for more than ten seconds in your Common Room. Steve should know from last year how bad-ass the house elves can behave, right?"

"Screw you, George. No need to remind me of this one all the time. Wasn't my fault that the entire floor of my room was littered with crap. Seriously not. Wasn't my roommate's fault too. We just arrived after freakin' Care of Magical Creatures and the floor was overflowed with dragon poo and a whole day worth of kitchen trash. And we were too tired to clean the floor after 'Creatures."

"Sure, it wasn't your fault. The House Elves at least thought so, and so they refused to clean up the mess."

"Which took us a whole week and all our stuff smelled like a dumpster till the end of the school year."

"I can barely imagine the horrors you have been through," Artemis said grinning, remembering the stench of Mulch and his "clothing" in his nose.

While eating, Artemis noticed that the tables seemed to refill themselves… until the eater was filled to the brim.

"Students, you have half an hour now to get back to your Common Room and gather the stuff you need for your respective lessons," Minerva McGonagall said from the head of the teacher's table. Everyone got up, some (mostly those who either were underfed at home or were already horrifyingly overweight) slower, some (like Artemis) faster.

"Goodbye Artemis, and have fun at Transfiguration. I think you'll enjoy it," Steve said and the four boys split up and moved towards their Common Rooms.

Of course, Artemis already had prepared and organized everything prior to breakfast, so he took the time and wrote a short parchment:

_To: Domovoi Butler, Fowl Estate_

_Hello Butler,_

_I hope you're enjoying your free time – if not, I'll ask Holly to force you to relax. I already met some nice young people here, however it feels strange to be a dozen years older than my classmates. Interestingly enough they have some really fine cooks over here and I have limitless caviar, so no need to worry about me being under-fed. In case you're still at Fowl Manor, please tell Mom, Dad and the twins that I'm still alive and currently not under arrest so they don't worry that much anymore._

_I'll contact you and Foaly as soon as today's lessons finish and I have time to play with the dimensional gate detector and the other gadgets I took with me._

_Artemis_

_PS: There's a letter to Holly attached, please give it to her when you meet again. _

_To: Holly Short_

_Hello Holly,_

_I'm sorry this will be a rather short letter as I don't have much time until the first lesson starts. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you being next to me. While the people here are quite OK, no one can replace the slightest touch from you._

_In Love,_

_Artemis_

He took the two letters, wrapped them in an envelope and ran to the Owlery, where he found his owl half-asleep. "Sorry mate, I've got some letters and not much time, lesson starts in ten minutes and I better not be late."

The owl grunted, but let Artemis bind the envelopes to its leg. As soon as he was finished, the owl extended its massive wings and sailed out of the biggest window, which was barely wide enough for the Eurasian Eagle Owl to fit through. (**A/N: EEOs sport a massive wing span of up to 1.88m. Damn impressive. Look them up on Wikipedia.**)

Thanks to his photographic memory, which had stored the plottable parts of Hogwarts long ago, Artemis arrived exactly on time at the Transfiguration classroom.

"Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts," she said after everyone had sat down. "Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."

This had left the students speechless, except Artemis, who was used to such introductions. He also wasn't surprised that McGonagall turned her hat into a cute, meow-ing kitten and back as a little show-off, which of course left the other first-years even more impressed.

"Students, please take out your quills, parchment and ink now. I shall write down basic transfiguration theories now and you are supposed to copy them. At the end of the lesson, you'll practice what you have learned today."

_Gamp's Elemental Laws of Transfiguration._

_1) Nothing can be turned into edible food. What you Transfigurate may look like food, but it will not nourish you._

_2) What Vanishes can Reappear._

_3) What can be Transfigured can also be Retransfigured to its old shape._

_4) Transfiguration does not create life and it does not take it._

_5) What has been alive, stays alive, no matter how many times it is Transfigured. What has been dead, stays dead._

_6) Anything can be Transfigured into anything._

_7) Transfiguration spells are unsafe to combine with any other kind of magic._

After writing down roughly one and a half meters of parchment, Professor McGonagall dealt out boxes with matches to each students.

"Your objective is now to try and Transfigure one match into one steel needle. Go ahead."

Artemis watched the other students for a while as they tried to fulfill the objective. Yet, no one could manage anything better than a metalized match with a red phosphorous head. Then, as he stood up in front of his desk, every eye turned and locked onto him.

_Whoosh._ Artemis moved the wand, precisely as McGonagall had shown. Then, red bolts shot out of the wand and hit the poor match. Except him, everyone was stunned by the flash-grenade-like effect, until someone from the other side of the classroom simply said "No shit".

Professor McGonagall turned around to the boy and said "Five points from Slytherin for swearing. Thirty points to Ravenclaw for Mr. Fowl achieving the best first-time Transfiguration this school has seen since the days of the Founders. You are dismissed. To everyone except Artemis, the homework is _learn and practice_. Mr. Fowl, please stay behind."

As the students had exited the room, Professor McGonagall locked the door with a simple wand movement.

"Mr. Fowl, this was, as you have heard, the most impressive Transfiguration done by a first-year at this school. Naturally, your raw energy and talent provides you with a massive amount of power. I think I and the other teachers will watch you for the next two weeks and then decide if we move you one or two years ahead. Dismissed."

"Thank you. I'll do the best I can," Artemis said and exited the door.

What he didn't know or didn't realize was that McGonagall had very good reasons for placing him on watch, even if she did not know that yet, too.

**A/N: Whoa, that's been a long time since my last update. I seriously apologize for the delay… and like every good student I have an excuse: two weeks after the last update I found a girlfriend. Too bad (for her, I must say) she dumped me four weeks ago. Well, I now have lots of free time again (and of course, I'm enjoying my time with other girls now, it's not like nerds can't get laid :D), but I think that unless love strikes again, you can rest assured that updates will follow.**

**DISCLAIMER: None of the above can be enforced in a court. :P By the way, I have noticed I'm a few years off in time continuity. Screw it – now it's too late to fix that; wait for when the story is finished, I'll publish a revised edition then. Actually, I've begun working on the previous chapters, so if you think something is strange and deserves a second look, please PM or review.**


	22. Even Artemis can get bored

**Even Artemis can get bored**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 11:30 AM

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Next up on the schedule was History of Magic. Artemis naturally had read _A History of Magic_ and _Modern Magic History_, as well as cross-referenced the information there with Muggle sources and books, so unlike for subjects like Transfiguration which depended on actually taking part in the lesson, Artemis had decided to relax a bit in the class.

As soon as he entered the classroom, he knew his instincts had been right. Professor Binns was a ghost who behaved like a robot: enter the classroom, waffle about history (exactly the same words as in the books), exit the classroom.

Two minutes after the class had started, Artemis noticed that 3/4 of the students were asleep and the other ones either talking or drawing obscene pictures of genitalia on their desks, but no one except him actually took care of the waffling or wrote something down.

_Okay, so that is why every desk in here looks like a god-damn sketchboard, only with 99% profanity. Let's see how long I manage to resist sl…_

The next thing Artemis noticed was the voice of Professor Binns: "… and this was how John Pumpkin died. Please wake up your sleeping class mates and move on to lunch. Dismissed."

With his last word, the ghost vanished through the wall.

"And I thought you bookworm 'd be able to stay awake. Thank god I didn't place a bet on that," Alex Redstone laughed as Artemis slowly stood up from his desk.

"You weren't better, you fell asleep as soon as Professor Binns had started talking," Artemis replied.

"Point taken. Binns really has a literal name: anything he waffles is for the bin because it's just the same as in the books. At least I hope so."

Those who were already awake had to laugh so hard that the others woke up, too. Together, Gryffindors and Ravenclaws walked towards the Main Hall.

**A/N: Yeah, another short chapter. Blame it on my BAC, I'm too drunk to write anything longer now. See you when I'm sober… ;)**


	23. Digging deep

**Digging deep**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 01:00 PM

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Apparently every teacher in Hogwarts managed to finish his or her lessons upon time, Artemis thought, as he and his classmates filed into the Main Hall together with every other Hogwarts student.

Within a couple of seconds, he found the 2x2 table with his three friends from the train again and sat down.

"Well, you're not even one day in school and you're already writing history", Steve said. "_Best Transfiguration the school has seen_, is that what McGonagall has said to you?"

"Yes, it seems so… but I'm not all gold either. Not even five minutes in Binns' History of Magic and I was all asleep", Artemis replied with a bit of shame written on his face. After all, _sleeping_ in class was totally out of his style.

"Don't worry about this. The only person known to stay fully awake and alert throughout all classes she ever had with Binns is Hermione Granger," Steve said.

"The author of _Modern Magic History_?"

"Aye. In the Trophy Room, she, Potter and Weasley have a two-metre section of wall filled only with their memorabilia, medals and trophies. Can't say they are unknown people, after all."

_**Auror's Office, Ministry of Magic, London – Briefing Room**_

"Looks like the Muggle media furor about the explosion has finally calmed down", Annie said as she entered the Briefing Room.

"The Muggle cops believe that the previous owner, former industrial tycoon Jon Spiro, experimented with new kinds of explosives for the American military there. They're still searching for traces of what he had done here so they can lock him up in their prisons for some more time. Putting a bit of pressure upon the Muggle Prime Minister has helped to quiet down this Howard High, though it wasn't easy, he said to me. Looks like he had an affair, the Secret Service knew about it and used their knowledge to blackmail him."

"Thank God. So we at least have these Muggles out of the picture, one problem less to worry about," Ron said.

"If you and Harry hadn't used that half-broken Ford Anglia a decade ago, we 'd have even less to worry. High dug out that story and now, while it's out of the mass media, conspiracy theorists still blabber about it on the Internets or however those Muggles call their communication system. And we don't have any way to monitor or control that one. We'll simply have to sit and wait to see what happens there," she reminded their two best and most famous Aurors of their school-time mistake all those years ago.

"Does anyone have any other leads on the case?" John Redstone asked, frustration about the total lack of progress written all over his face.

No one said anything, and everyone was fully aware that they had solved decades-old Dark Magic crimes successfully while in this case they had nothing more to work on than a photo of a burning ruin and a magic signature unknown over the entire Magic world.

Then, a memo flew into the office and poked Harry on the head.

He read the memo, and one could see the "What the f..k"-expression that appeared on his face. "In fact, I have. Took the old man quite a bit of time, but Ollivander found a match for the magic signature we found at the blast site, this memo just came in by owl. We all have made a mistake by assuming the actor being a powerful, experienced terrorist – we were dead wrong."

"What?", asked John. "You're saying that this was the work of a school kid? Underage magic?"

"School yes, but I'd strip the 'underage'. Ollivander says that this signature belongs to Artemis Fowl the Second, the possibly oldest Hogwarts freshman." Harry said into a shock-frozen room.

**A/N: Yes, I'm back and no, I can't offer any valid excuse for not writing so long. Combine being booted off of university for messing up a maths exam the third time in a row, losing my apartment and ending up running from the cops for tax evasion and you have a basic picture of what happened in the last one and a half years.**

**But hey, I'm back again, German IRS dropped the tax charges and I'm finally getting my old life back, so I hope I won't leave you without updates for too long ;)**

** E J ect: Definitely, the age gap is a huge problem for the setting of the story. I've already hinted at a solution for the problem (and it will likely be solved in one of the next chapters). Also, having Artemis hang out with 1****st**** year pupils is a bit of a necessity (he's still in 1****st**** grade, after all); and the 3****rd**** year-trio Steve/Marvin/George is the "highest" group I could set someone like Artemis into – the older pupils simply wouldn't accept Artemis at all due to the fact he may be of-age, but he has absolutely no clue of Magic except a natural talent. And yes, you're right with the Butterbeer remark, it's on the list to change in the revised edition :)**


	24. Life Signs

**Life Signs**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 10:30

WHERE: Ireland, Duncade

Butler intended to follow the last order Artemis gave to him before departing into a new future: the first thing he did upon getting back to Fowl Manor was to pack a travel bag with some clothes and food.

So, here he was now in Duncade at the cottage again. Alone. Yet this time, he was assured that Artemis was neither unable to defend himself nor in any form of danger. Not like the last time, when the last time he saw Artemis was falling down the Taipeh 101 and he was drowning himself in guilt and a fair share of hard alcohol for near three years.

Who had guessed it: with 40 years of age (or 55 if you counted the fifteen years that a resurrection took from his lifespan), he was no morning owl any more. Rather, he found that solid 11 hours straight sleep and getting woken up by birds (in this case, apparently an owl hooted around) was way more pleasant and refreshing than a 120 dB buzzer siren which was set to 06:00 in Fowl Manor.

Allowing himself some time to open his eyes, he swung his legs out of the bed. But as in Fowl Manor, the first thing he did was to go over to the coffee machine. Old habits don't die easily, and coffee after all is a highly addictive substance with similar effects as nicotine when one went cold turkey. Better not let that happen.

Coffee ready, he went out and sat down on an old tree stump. Yes, nature was definitely relaxing, even more so as he could actually take the time to _enjoy_ it instead of just being there for an oddjob or another save-the-world mission. Still, his instincts told him: something is not entirely natural here.

That was when his look fell on the roof: Artemis' owl was responsible for the hooting, and a tiny letter was attached to its legs.

One short whistle later, the owl glided on its massive wings down to Butler. _Definitely, Artemis' owl had style. Amazing animal._

He unwrapped the letter from the owl legs and stroked its back feathers - the owl responded by gently poking him with its head.

With a smile, he read the letter. _Good. For now, apparently no reason to worry about Artemis. Only that his heart might break if he does not get a reply from Holly soon._

He took out his cellphone and speed-dialed to Fowl Manor.

"Butler?" the voice of Artemis Fowl Sr. came through the speakers.

"Yes, it is me. I have recieved a letter from Artemis by owl. He asked me to tell you everything is OK and he has limitless caviar to eat."

"Typical. First thing he asks for every meal if there is caviar. Better they keep the kitchens stocked there, I would not want to be in the skin of the kitchen chief when Artemis wants a caviar serving and they are running dry. I'll also tell the others that everything is going well. Has there been any news regarding the warehouse incident?"

"No, at least not in this mail. I think it might be better to not bring this subject up, who knows if communication is monitored. He'll write to us if problems arise, I am sure."

"Good, it is better this way. I do hope that _you_ are ok, too, Butler?"

_Now that was a first. Serious concern about my well-being. Looks like Artemis Senior has finally found a heart under all that business. Or rather, Angeline Fowl buried it out again._

"Indeed I am, thanks for the question. A good night's sleep works wonders sometimes, it seems. But if you do not mind, I have a very... sensitive call to make, if you know who I mean."  
"I guess it is Holly and my Artemis wants to use you as a messenger?"

"Indeed. How did you know at all?"

"Instincts of a father. Oh."

Some glassware had apparently fallen down in the Manor.

"I think Beckett has found a new way to wreak havoc upon the kitchen... so then, have a nice day and greet Holly from me, please."

"Will do, Mister Fowl. Have fun with the cleaning!" he said, a wide grin clearly visible on his face.

The next one to call was obviously Holly. He tipped on the fairy comm ring that was once Artemis' and said "Holly Short", thereby initiating a "phone" call with her.

"Morning, Butler. I'm on my way to work, I take it you have news from Artemis?"

"He's alive and well, by the look of his letter. He also has attached one for you - though I seriously hope he learns how to write proper love letters. How should I deliver it to you?"

"Ah, how sweet of him. Put it in an envelope and deliver it to the security at Tara, if you could?"

_Mh. Oh well, at least I can hone my motorcycle driving skills. A couple of hours driving and sightseeing, better than nothing._

"Yes. Tell the guards to please not go into full-panic when they see me in full motorcycle clothing. Will be quite a shock for them otherwise."

"I can imagine, I will call them. Can you please come back tomorrow and relay my answer for him, too? After this one, I think I'll just email you my letter and you scan his reply, that should be faster. But I want to give him a real handwritten letter so he has something to remind him..."

"I think I know what you mean, and yes I will come for the reply tomorrow, too. Have a nice day!".

"You too, Butler. Thank you again!" she said and closed the connection a couple hundred kilometres below him, her heart reaching out to her... love interest? Boyfriend? Affair? Well, that would have to wait how it turned out.

Butler took two envelopes, a book and a couple of papers out of the to compose a reply:

_Hello Artemis,_

_indeed I am doing fine, same for the family. Or at least I hope so, while I called apparently Beckett made a mess out of the kitchen again._

_But at least, I can sleep as long as I want and only the sound of waves and seagulls to hear. Refreshing change._

_I will relay your message to Holly, and she has promised me that I can pick up her reply tomorrow. After that, if you're fine with it I'd just print out and scan the letters for speed reasons - and the fact that I don't know yet if my back will endure hours long motorcycle treks._

_Please keep us updated on what happens in your school._

_Butler_

The reply went into the envelope, which he bound to the owl's leg. Right after this, the owl headbumped him again and took off into seemingly nowhere.

Butler put the love letter into the other envelope and went inside. Time to shower, eat something and then enjoy a motorcycle ride!

**A/N: Welcome to the land of the living \ o/ I'm still surprised that the story gets read and favorited THAT often. Honestly, I'm out of words.**

**Turns out I had somehow completely missed out reading The Last Guardian. Done now, but unfortunately I can't re-base the storyline to its end - it would just be too drastic, I believe. But still, the background information is an useful resource :)**

**Also, I switched from MS Word to Papyrus Autor for managing the timeline and other information. Great software, I can only recommend it... and I should have switched much earlier. Makes writing like a breeze - I can even store references to the ebooks next to the text. The only problem is that Papyrus can't do a chapter export - so still, MS Word in the pipeline. Thanks to a good friend of mine here for the recommendation, I'm not sure if I could restrain myself from actually shooting my computer much longer. Word is great for publishing, but try to keep a timeline and you'll end up like a dwarf who has accidentally tried to digest an old truck tyre.**

**I haven't fully synchronized the AF and HP timelines yet, it's a massive research and retrofit effort after all. But for now, I'm lucky that the general part of the story doesn't need to get changed.**

** Sana Lama Samaha: Yep, this is already fixed in the "new" version, but not uploaded yet.**

** shin obin: I believe the twins as well as his "reformed" parents and the extensive psychotherapy lead to Artemis being more... well, normal, including his manners and behaviour. At age 14-17, nothing is too late to be fixed ;)**

** HyperEngineer: I'm trying my best (obviously, not enough :/)**


	25. Lawhammer

**Lawhammer**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 13:15

WHERE: Auror's Office, Ministry of Magic, London – Briefing Room

"Alone the name sent me shivering, when I heard it," Ron said.

Naturally, everyone in the room knew the name "Artemis Fowl the Second". After all, a 19-year old freshman in Hogwarts? Never happened before. But no one had thought that a freshman, untrained and raw, could have enough energy and talent to blow up a warehouse.

The Auror Department had clearly failed here. To their rescue, there had not been any precedent in known magic history for this. It was considered widely impossible that anyone could possess such an amount of power without any training. Even the former Dark Lord needed decades of learning and practice to become the feared warrior and ruler. Young children of Muggle origin were known to do small-scale magic - stuff like wishing opponents with their underpants on a tree. But not total mayhem.

"Well, we won't have to worry about the Muggles, anyway. They think they found the culprit with the former owner and are leaving the case at rest. This Spiro is sitting for life anyway," Annie said.

"Yes, and that is the best news we have at the moment. Still, it leaves _our_ world. We must somehow cover it," Kingsley said.

Everyone knew why: the memories of the Great Wizarding War were still fresh for many. Even after twelve years, families mourned for their dead and the damage dealt was still visible all over the Wizarding World. The Muggles were faster in rebuilding their stuff, mostly because the damages in the Muggle world were limited to psychological terror; a couple demolished bridges, buildings and vehicles were fast to replace or rebuild. The main joy of the Death Eaters was not to destroy, but to torture and kill.

And now, a school child could be on the verge of causing a massive panic.

"We cannot even prosecute him. He does not even know that displaying magic with Muggles witnessing it is illegal," Redstone said.

"And if it were to become public that a school kid is able to demonstrate such power, the public would want us to execute him. No one wants another Voldemort, truth be told," Harry added.

They all knew the conflicting interests: Law explicitly forbade the Auror Department, or for that matter the entire Ministry, to interfere in Hogwarts affairs. And as long as Artemis Fowl the Second resided in Hogwarts, he was a Hogwarts affair. No way out. But the public needed a satisfying answer to the explosion.

"We could claim it was a secret weapons development," Maria Flint interjected. She was the newest member of the Auror team, having graduated two years ago. "We can disguise the ten days it took to 'resolve' this as 'we needed ten days to clear the red tape'. Everyone knows that the Ministry is working strictly by the books now, and most people expect us to build something secret in case the next Dark Lord arises."

The idea had hit, Maria knew it.

"But what if someone asks for a demonstration? Or worse, a situation unfolds where we might need a... weapon like this kid?" Ron asked.

"Well, if this kid is anything like what I gathered from these Muggle newspaper archives, then he will help us out. For now, I believe this to be the only viable course of action. In case we get another problem, we will solve it then. But there is no need to let this mountain grow any bigger. The more days pass without an explanation, the more difficult it will be to pass this off," Kingsley said.

"Let me prepare the paperwork and a speech for the public. I guess someone here will volunteer talking to Minerva in Hogwarts?" Annie asked.

Of course, Ron and Harry rose their hands. They had longed for an opportunity to talk with Minerva McGonagall since months, but the chaos and the work did not make it possible.

"It is decided then. We will disguise and protect Artemis Fowl from public blame for now, and Ron and Harry will arrange a meeting with him through Minerva to get his intentions," Kingsley said.

Everyone nodded.

The meeting was over.

Crisis averted.

**A/N: Ohai, didn't expect you so soon ;) Well, a couple liters of coffee and a decent amount of time later, I have finished the revision of HM.**

**Thank God I was able to avoid a total rewrite and keep the major plot line. I fixed lots of styling issues, typos as well as some logical problems and missing information. Especially the oldest readers are invited to re-read from the beginning. Might be that some mysteries will be solved now ;)**

**Also, I have digged through all 105 reviews and found quite some unanswered ones. So, here are your answers:**

** Guest: Unicorns will come in later, I am not sure if I'll put them in the first book.**

** Artemis la Sol: Yes, in the books Ravenclaw has riddles; in my timeline these were replaced with standard passcodes because of the cruel abuse by the Carrows.**

** rebecca85: Of course the hat can be heard - if it wants to be heard, that is. The timeline deviation has been fixed now, took me some time though. Thanks for the hint with the ticket being for 2011, fixed too. For the "out of character" issue: see my A/N for chapter #22. All the positive influence and 2.5 years of psychotherapy are bound to have an effect on Artemis.**

** Wrothmonk: thanks for the typo fixes. Unfortunately, the 3 should be a heart symbol but FFnet's ridiculous filter rejects the "lower-than" character instead of escaping it. Stonehenge is closed... for the public. Not if you're LEP or Artemis Fowl.**

** RRW: Accident maybe, but Artemis is of-age and rich, so he can be expected to pay for damage he caused.**


	26. Last Ride Of The Day

**Last Ride Of The Day**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 14:00

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Together with the Hufflepuffs, the first year Ravenclaws including Artemis filed into the Defence Against the Dark Arts (hereafter DADA) room. Or at least, they gathered in front of where there should have been a room.

Problem: there was no room, no plaque, no clue at all.

And so the odd student group, with one student (Artemis) being like a giant compared to the 11-year-olds, waited in the floor, scratching their heads for five minutes.

Only a little Hufflepuff had an idea. He had overheard his older brother talking home... and remembered. "We have to wish to have the lesson! Only the wish makes the door spawn!"

The others looked at him like he might be crazy... but after all, this was Hogwarts. So, with all concentration they could muster, they thought "I want to defend myself against the Dark Arts".

And indeed, a door shimmered into existence, promptly opened by the Hufflepuff who had had the idea. Inside, there was a young female teacher. No problem for the kids, they hadn't hit puberty yet... except poor Artemis.

It didn't happen often that Artemis was at a total lack of both words and movement. Either when there was mortal danger and he had been outsmarted or when his hormones took over. In this case, obviously the latter had happened.

Hermione Granger had not only been the most intelligent student the school has had, except for Dumbledore and the Dark Lord, she also had been quite a magnet for men from her fourth year in Hogwarts and on. Artemis had no way of knowing that, and so it hit him unprepared.

Only a knock into the ribs from Alex Redstone, his room-mate, brought him to his senses again.

_Whoops. How embarrassing. I hope she did not notice._

Artemis did not notice anything out of the usual. Apparently, Professor Granger was used to this kind of reaction.

Everyone sat down at the tables and took out their writing stuff.

"Hello everyone," Hermione Granger said with a warm smile, her eyes swiping over the couple dozen students in front of her. The big one (Artemis) definitely had both brains and a slight problem with puberty, that much she could read from his face. The rest about him she knew already.

"You might want to follow me closely. It might very well be that once, your life will depend on what you will learn during my classes. Twelve years of peace might have lulled some of you into a sense of security... but trust me. There is no security. Evil is all around us, waiting for us and growing stronger day by day. And you will grow stronger day by day, too. And when you have finished learning, then I do not doubt that every one of you will be able to defend yourself even from the worst things that evil might throw at you."

_Impressive speech. She has battle experience, you can see it in her entire body language._

"Now, please, open your 'Deep Darkness' book on page 10 and keep your quills and parchment ready. The first thing we will learn and discuss today is: what is the actual meaning of the word 'evil'? Does anyone have suggestions?"

Naturally, Artemis' hand was the first up. "Yes, Mr. Fowl?" Hermione asked, eagerly awaiting the answer from the boy whose reputation preceded him by far.

"I would say that for one part, the definition of 'evil' certainly lies in the eye of the beholder. A petty thief, for example, might not view the pickpocketing of an innocent man as evil, while the victim of said pickpocketing certainly will. Or, in order to save the life of a beloved person, one might commit deeds never to be undone by conventional means."

No one in the room except Artemis knew what he meant: nearly wipe out a species to rescue his father, abduct an innocent (again for his father), lie and manipulate a friend (this for his mother). But everyone knew that Artemis had indeed done what he said, simply by the tone of his voice.

"I fully agree, Mr. Fowl. But I sense you urge to say more. And we are all interested to hear it!" Obviously, she and all other students were hooked. If even a grain of dust fell to the floor, it could be heard.

"There are also acts which are a crime against nature. Generally, only the actor will not see them as evil, or while recognizing the evilness of the act, explain it away with a 'for the greater good'. I am talking of murder here. Rape. Genocide. Slaughtering of non-combattants. What the Nazis did in the Muggle world '45. Or the Russians not that much time after them. Or your own Dark Lord."

Artemis remembered the face of the two Opal Kobois and Turnball Root. Alone the tought provided him with more fire.

He continued: "But also then, sometimes we are forced to resolve to this level. For example, taking the life of a criminal in order to save an innocent life from being extinguished. Technically, it still is evil murder what the policeman commits. But we, as a society, have defined to be the act of life-saving to be not evil.

Therefore, I conclude that 'evil' is what a society defines as such. And that this definition is bound to change over time. Once we thought that keeping slaves was a basic right everyone of noble descent possessed. Today, we shame upon those who still embrace slavery! And I dare say we are a better society than our ancestors for this!"

He actually shouted the last two sentences.

And with this he completely had won over Hermione and nullified the blunder he had committed not even ten minutes ago, even if he did not know what had happened or why, not until weeks later he took the time to visit that Trophy Room.

For it had been Hermione who set up S.P.E.W., a civil rights movement protecting those who had long suffered under wizard hands. First it had been house elves while she was in Hogwarts - after the Great Wizard War, she made sure to abolish every kind of discrimination in the Wizard World. No matter if house elf, giant, centaur, human, dwarf, goblin, dragon or any other species.

The perks of being a war hero included also that Hermione managed to get pretty high up in the ranks of the rebuilt Ministry. After her work was done in not even two years, she resolved to take over the still vacant (everyone thought it still was cursed) DADA teacher spot and fill it with life again. And so far, her luck had held - the curse had indeed vanished with the death of the Dark Lord.

Artemis pretended not to see it, but Hermione actually had tears in her eye.

"Thank you, Mr. Fowl. I hereby grant the House of Ravenclaw fifty points for the best answer to this question I have ever heard in this classroom. And the rest of you: Write. This. Down. Now."

Everyone scribbled the speech Artemis had given onto his parchment. And no one made a single mistake.

The rest of the lesson passed in a breeze. It was, even though nearly all participants were 11 years old, a discussion about ethics and morals. And all students learned from each other this day.

Until Hermione looked on her watch. "I am sorry to interrupt you all, but we only have five minutes left now. For homework, I ask you to reflect and think about what we have discussed today. Nothing else. Who wants to discuss more, is free to stay," she said.

No one left for another hour.

Then, slowly the classroom emptied, until only Artemis and Hermione Granger were left in it.

"It has been a highly productive day for all of us," she mused. "Indeed, indeed. I have missed this kind of discussion for long," Artemis replied.

"I am sorry, Mr. Fowl, but I have recieved a memo from Headmistress McGonagall before the lesson. She asks you to go into her office as soon as this lesson is over. And we're way past time now."

"Do you have any idea why?" he asked.

"No, honestly. If I were to guess, I would say she wants to advance you one or two years in due time. Until next Tuesday!" she said and Artemis walked out of the hidden room.

Once again, Artemis resolved to the knowledge he had taken from one of the books and let his inner map guide him to the Headmistress office.

He could see that once, something massive had guarded the entrance. A statue, by the looks of the stain on the floor. He wondered what had happened, and why there was a painting now blocking the entrance.

Then, the painting (a huge lion, warming itself in the painted sun) began to move. The lion turned towards Artemis and asked "Artemis Fowl?"

Artemis nodded. The picture faded away and revealed a spiral staircase.

**A/N: *evil grin* yes, this is a cliffhanger, my friends. Sorry, I could not resist.**

**Bonus points to those who got the Emma Watson reference. I hope, I did justice to her and Hermione.**

**And yes, the room indeed is the Room of Requirement. Fiendfyre is powerful, but it pales in comparison to the magic of the Room.**

**Remember all the stuff about dimensional gates? Here we see an excellent example. Only the Room in one dimension went up in flames, the other Rooms were left intact. Same for the spell creating new dimensions.**

** StarlightGilgalad: The ministry will have to wait a bit longer. No more meddling in Hogwarts, Hermione has permanently and irrevocably fixed this. The only thing I'm not sure about an AF/HP meeting: friends or enemies?**


	27. Endstation Eden

**Endstation Eden**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 18:00

WHERE: Haven, Holly Short's apartment

It had taken some time for the love letter to clear the red tape and get down to Haven. Services rendered to the People or not, warned by Holly or not, the security gnome at Tara was shocked by Butler in full motorcycling gear and insisted on the full security checks on the harmless letter as "revenge".

Even if Holly could not sense the magic of Artemis (for he was in another dimension), she could sense his feelings, embedded in the parchment.

_But seriously, Butler was right. Artemis desperately needs more experience in writing love letters. As, actually, do I. The only "dates" I had so far were with Trouble Kelp, and they went disastrous._

She lighted a couple of synth-candles (according to Foaly, the light was emitted by bacteria) and took out that old wine bottle which she had inherited from her mother.

_I think now is a time worth opening that bottle. I miss Arty. And maybe that wine helps me a bit with writing._

Wine was expensive in Haven, as was any kind of alcohol except what the smugglers brought in or distilled in illegal backyards. But then, the stuff was cheap for a reason: it might kill you or wipe out your magic.

So mostly dwarves and goblins were the customers of the smuggling rings - the goblins were too stupid to care about magic or death or anything except food, and the dwarves' digestive system could handle anything except rubber.

Like every modern fairy, Holly used a computer for writing tasks most of the time. But, she thought, this time I might use my old hand-writing pen again.

_Dear Arty,_

_thank you very much for your letter. I feel the same way about you. Too unfortunate it needed your departure from this dimension for us both to realize what we feel for each other._

_So for now we will be stuck writing each other more or less awkward letters, but I have asked Butler to scan and print them from now on - your letter had to pass through hours of security inspections as the gnome in Customs decided to have a bit of revenge for getting shocked by the view of Butler in a motorcycle protective suit. Truth be told, the gnome had every right to be shocked - Butler is a mountain even without his clothing, and in his suit the gnome thought he would end up as a snack in seconds._

_I hope that the trick with this inter-dimensional communicator you're planning will work out. Letters are all fine, but I would love to hear your voice. Preferably when we are both relaxing in the evening._

_Ah well, I hope you had a better day than me. Opal Koboi has abducted yet another specialist, this time it has hit neuro-radiologist Johannes Mueller from Munich. He was abducted during a toilet break, right in the midst of a surgery._

_And I and a full Recon team had to get up there, only to find nothing except a dead patient, lots of local law enforcement and not a single trace. At least I already knew the city._

_Thank God at least Opal Senior is still behind bars, but we believe she leads her younger self through telepathy. Yet, no one can prove it. Foaly monitors everything that happens inside and outside her cell, and he hasn't caught even a single radio wave directed to her._

_How was your first day at school?_

_In Love,  
Holly_

Definitely, Holly had a nice handwriting. Even if she wrote in Mud Men script, not in the Gnommish she was used to. She let a couple of magic sparks flow upon the paper - in theory, Artemis should feel her presence, love and happiness when he read the letter.

Little did Holly know what had happened aboveground in the meantime.

**A/N: I can haz reviews plz?**

**Also, the chapter titles have a certain pattern. Not all of them, but a couple should be recognized... but from where?**

**Who can solve the challenge of the Human Magic chapter titles?**


	28. Benzin

**Benzin**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 17:00

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Artemis slowly walked up the staircase. To be honest, he was dead nervous.

_Did they find out what happened? Or is it just about skipping one or two years worth of education?_

He knocked on the inner door. Its two wings opened to the inner side.

"Good afternoon, Mister Fowl. Miss Granger has already notified me that you would be late, no excuses necessary. Please, have a sit," Minerva McGonagall greeted him. Her eyes were tired.

_She knows_.

"Mister Fowl, do you have any idea what that stunt of yours with the Spiro warehouse has caused?"

_Yep, she definitely knows._

"A lot of chaos in the world of the non-magic people, as most of my plans end up," he admitted.

"As well as in our world, too. The only fact on your side is that you could not know and had not known about the Statute of Secrecy. We have concealed ourselves from the Muggle population for centuries, for good reasons. And now you blow up a warehouse, leaving more magical traces behind you than necessary for the Muggles to understand 'there might be magic in this world'!"

Headmistress McGonagall sighed. The final decision about Artemis had been hers, and she had not taken it lightly.

"I will now take a bit out of the planned lessons of Professor Binns, before you manage to get yourself in this trouble again: Use of magic near Muggles is actually outlawed per the Statute of Secrecy, with the maximum penalty of expulsion from the magical society, as well as breaking your wand and disallowing everyone to borrow or sell you a wand."

_Expulsion? Ah well, at least not jail time like in Haven._

"I understand. I guess this rule does not apply as long as all possible witnesses do know about magic, like my relatives, or in emergency situations?"

"Yes, Mister Fowl. But even in emergency cases, please restrain yourself as good as you can. Even a dozen years after the war, our forces are strained thin and memory modifications require the most skilled magicians we have.

I would ask you one thing: keep your power in check, even if it is difficult. Here in the school you are and will be admired and envied by many of your fellow students, simply because you will be the first student in Hogwarts skipping not one, but two years at once - the fact that you were the first student ever to achieve a full-blown Transfiguration on the first try is just another proof of your talent..

But in the outside world, people are afraid of you, even if they do not know you by name.

I do not know how much of the history books you have already read, but I would urgently advise you to read the parts about the last hundred years. The Ministry of Magic has told the public that the explosion you caused was a secret weapon test, so that the rumors going around, like that there is a secret Death Eater terrorist cell somewhere, finally stop.

Of course, in return for covering up the entire incident they expect from you that you a) help out the Ministry in case that a real terrorist attack happens and b) that you abide by the law strictly from now on. Failure to do so could result in a full criminal trial, the Ministry is not intending to let another Dark Lord arise."

_I have read about that Ministry in the books. The real question is: why didn't I ever notice anything during my hacking endeavours?_

"Rest assured, I will be on the straight side of the law from now on. I take it you know a bit about my past in the Muggle world, you should then also know about the change I went through," he replied.

"Indeed we do, and this was the reason why we decided to accept you as a student at Hogwarts. The highest levels of power in the Ministry were involved, actually. You are unprecedented for our entire world. Some had thought that if we would educate you in magic ways that we then essentially train a living time bomb. Most unfortunately, you have delivered them the perfect proof...

I can only urge you: do take care and behave by the letter of the law. With you, no one is taking any chances.

Also, in the public interest, all information about the incident is strictly confidential. The only people knowing about your role in the warehouse explosion except you and me are the Auror Department, as well as the Minister of Magic and the Muggle Prime Minister. It is imperative that this list does not expand.

As for the matter of your education, I have no doubt that it should pose no challenge for you to skip two years worth of time. Before I can authorize this, though, you need to pass the written and practical examinations about the two years. As all students are allowed to, you may use the empty classrooms for practice, as well as the Room of Requirement, which Professor Granger uses for DADA.

If you have any questions you cannot solve by yourself or with help of your friends in 3rd year, every teacher is welcome to help you.

Do you have any questions?"

_Phew. Off the hook._

"No. I thank you for giving me a chance. Frankly, I was actually expecting being expelled as soon as Professor Granger sent me to your office," he replied, visibly relaxed.

"I have been authorized by the Ministry to do everything I deem necessary. In essence, they have given me a wildcard regarding you. Do not make me regret it. Dismissed."

Artemis nodded in acknowledgement and exited the office.

**A/N: Close on the edge for Artemis. Fucking close. But then, I didn't want to close the storyline... Artemis as terorrist on the run is an interesting story line on itself, but not exactly my style.**

** KunnegAndris: Thanks! But it's not only the People crapping their pants - the Ministry will also get their fair share, as soon as they realize who Artemis Fowl really is and especially, what he will be capable of doing.**

** StarlightGilgalad: Artemis and asking other girls? He's too damn nervous for that ;)**

** Wrothmonk: Happy to read you again and nice to see you like it :)**

**I'll look a bit into the future now - Hermione is too professional to envy Artemis, she's a more than capable witch herself... But she (and the other teachers) will be sweating a lot over Artemis, as no one (including me, for that matter) knows yet which side he will choose: Light or Darkness?**

**It will be like a billion-dollar-stakes roulette wheel, with only Light and Black as fields and no Zéro: either Artemis chooses the Light side and ends up as a hero... or he chooses the Dark side and makes Lord Voldemort and Opal Koboi together pale in comparison.**


	29. A Long Time Ago

**A Long Time Ago**

WHEN: 10.000 years ago

WHERE: Battle of Taillte

The famous battle that had driven the People underground had long ago vanished from the memories of the People, who had lost and the Muggles who had won it. The only knowledge remaining were a couple of legends and, well, fairy tales.

The crucial fact that had vanished from public knowledge was that there had been human Wizards in the battle. They were sided with the People and fought bravely against their own race. But still, the Muggles won by sheer number.

So the Wizards went into exile all over Europe, taking the magical creatures under their protection wherever they went and joining forces with the local magic-sensitive population when the European Muggles extended their reach to Africa, Asia and the American continent and christianized everyone.

Evolution did the rest: the magical creatures living under the earth diverted from those living aboveground.

Elves became trapped in a despicable hex by the most capable Wizards not even a thousand years after the Battle and were reduced to a slave race over time. Yet, the fact that they were a powerful race once was forgotten by many Wizards, their special magic being able to bypass those of the Wizards all too often.

Gnomes, pixies and dwarves had no desire to be near Wizards or Muggles after they saw what happened to the Elves and went entirely underground. Too bad for the dwarves, as they never had a chance to hear from Gringotts.

The Demons vanished from the Earth entirely, being trapped in Limbo after the sabotage by Bludwin and N'Zall - only to be rescued by Artemis Fowl moments before their island disintegrated into the void. In addition, they lost quite a chunk of their population to the powers of quantum physics and time travel.

Trolls just went bigger aboveground, they didn't have any intelligence even back then. Wizards kept them in check and from interfering with Muggles - and thus even from the radar of the People. Their underground relatives suffered from a lack of food as well as adaption problems to living underground and turned into even more savage beings, still craving their former life aboveground.

The underground Goblins suffered a similar, even worse fate than the Elves aboveground - their talents not needed anymore, they lost their intelligence entirely and became a bunch of primitive, fire-breathing reptiles, while their aboveground relatives were highly regarded for their weapon manufacturing skills and even entrusted to bankroll the Wizard economy.

By the time the People had developed satellites and set up spying posts, the Dragons had become nearly extinct. Together with the Giants, they retreated from Wizards and Muggles alike into the most secluded parts of the world, where neither humans nor fairies had any interest to be. Only legends remained of them in the memory of the People and the Muggles alike.

Other magical creatures mostly gathered around wizarding magic hot-spots, where they were protected from Muggle and fairy eyes alike by the powerful dimension-shift spells of the earliest Wizards.

The magic hot-spots and schools in the world were:

1) Great Britain, with London hosting the British Ministry of Magic and the Diagon Alley as well as Scotland, hosting Hogwarts

2) Southern France, hosting Beauxbatons and the European United Magic Authority (EUMA)

3) Eastern Russia, famous for Durmstrang Institute (and, to a lesser degree, Gellert Grindelwald)

4) Salem, Massachusetts (US), serving as central point for Wizardry for the entire American continent as well as hosting Salem Witches' Institute

5) Egypt, with its pyramids attracting Wizards from Africa like a lighting tower

6) Mahoutokoro (Japan), teaching Wizards from the Asian, Oceanic and Australian continents (though some Australian parents would send their children to Hogwarts)

In addition there were small Wizarding communities and small or specialized schools spread all over the world, most of them allied with the respective regional government.

The six government blocks were largely independent of each other, the only exception being the cooperation in the Quidditch World Cup, various inter-school competitions and important cross-government legislation such as the Statute of Secrecy.

The dimension-shift spells were the strength of the Human race. While Wizards needed wands as channels for their magic, they were able to set up dimensional gateways even without their wands (the easiest form was called "Apparition", with "Splinching" happening when the wizard did not concentrate enough) and without the need for complex calculations.

But the crucial blow to the Wizards was dealt by themselves: as they could live in comfort with Magic and the occasional Confunding of too nosy Muggles, they had no real desire to expand their knowledge about Magic - and they had no motivation either after the witch hunts in the Middle Ages.

Muggles developed science in the last millennia, the People in the last two millennia, but the Wizards even at the time of this story basically just had radios and printing presses, copied from the Muggles and magically improved.

Wizards of Muggle origin tended to be able to use computers and other "modern" stuff, yet they were exceptions, regarded as an oddity by their fellow Wizards.

Also, due to the Humans locking themselves away from Earth, where the People had no way of knowing about or communicating with them, knowledge about the other race vanished.

Only now, ten thousand years later, a lone Wizard by the name of Artemis Fowl would re-unite the worlds.

Revenge for Taillte would not happen soon, though.

**A/N: Official canon for the location of Durmstrang is Norway or Sweden, but I chose to ignore this and place Durmstrang in Eastern Russia, probably near St. Petersburg. The explanation are the names of known Durmstrang attendees and personnel, which are all Slavic/Russian origin, not any form of Norwegian or Swedish.**


	30. First Contact

**First Contact**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 18:00

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Artemis walked back from the Headmistress Office to the Ravenclaw Tower, his heart still beating loudly. He couldn't entirely believe that McGonagall had let him off with just a warning, but then again he knew that she basically had no other choice.

Thankfully, Ravenclaw Tower was next to deserted, for most of the students were outside in the evening sun, eating in the Great Hall or in the Library. The last thing Artemis needed for his secret mission were witnesses. He had no Butler to deal with them anymore and besides that, he had changed for the better.

Artemis went up to his room and took his cellphone and the tech equipment he had taken with him out of his trunk (which was half-empty now).

With a beep, the cellphone activated and booted up. It was a marvelous device, vastly more powerful than the C Cube he had built years ago.

Embedded fairy quantum computing technology allowed him to do basically everything he wanted with any other computer, and his own SDR comm unit added connectivity with just about any wired or wireless system in the world - from TV and radio over ham radio to world-wide HSPA data linkage.

Not to mention that it was water- and pressure-proof, rated to work even in the depths of the Atlantic Ocean, rad-hardened so it would in theory work inside a fission reactor rod pool and it could survive a fall from space without a single scratch due to fairy neutrino coating - a single, one-atom-thick layer was enough.

And the radioisotope battery provided it with enough power to outlive even a fairy.

If sold, the phone would easily fetch a dozen-billion-dollar price tag.

Yet, even this masterpiece showed a "No Signal" at the top.

_So far, so good. At least, it still boots. That means: no active countermeasures against Mud Men or fairy technology._

"Alpha Minor, run a full system integrity check and then a scan across all recievable RF bands for incoming transmissions or signals," he told the phone.

It took twenty minutes for the phone to finish the check and the scan - the check went 100% OK, but the signal scan showed no form of any radio transmission... on every band. Only a couple cell phones searching for base stations came up, most likely from Muggle-born students who did not know that in Hogwarts, no cellphones worked - and that there would be nowhere except Artemis' equipment to charge them.

_Indeed, we're not in the Master Earth dimension. Now, let's see what that fairy tech is able to do..._

He powered up the Quantum Gate, a small gray cube about 10cm tall. Inside it was a tiny, laser-ignited nuclear fusion generator - while it had negligible power output, the fusion reaction joined every dimension at this place and time together. In theory, it should pass through radio frequencies at a specific resonance frequency.

Inside Fowl Manor, there was another Quantum Gate, with the same resonance frequency. It had been powered on before Artemis had left for Hogwarts.

And indeed: the Quantum Gates had established a connection. The statistics on Alpha Minor showed a stable, yet for now slow two-way communication established between the Gates. It would speed up with time, as the Gates needed an extensive calibration before achieving their rated throughput.

_Strike. I hadn't thought it 'd work on the first try._

_Now, let's see if I can set up a 3G pico-cell here._

In the earliest days of GSM cellphone technology, the phones had the size of Butler's arm and the base station (BTS) equipment took up entire rooms in addition to huge antennas.

These days, a full-blown BTS with about 50m of range and support for handling 100 users at the same time could fit inside a shoebox. Including a power supply. And cellphones could be built as small as a fingertip.

Halfway suspecting the end of his lucky streak, Artemis linked the BTS to the Quantum Gate... and suddenly, however, his cellphone showed connectivity: 5 out of 5 bars and the usual "Fowl Communication 3G" network provider name.

_Unbelievable. I think that's the first time in history one has managed to cross the boundaries between Wizarding and Mud Men worlds with technology._

In theory, Butler's fairy comm ring (which had been previously Artemis') should connect with Alpha Minor soon and allow Artemis to talk to him as well as to Holly, deep underground. And the world-wide network of locators should provide him with a pretty precise location fix on Hogwarts and Plot the Unplottable.

_That's what happens when you drift out of history and don't stay at the top. New tech trumps old Magic._

Then, his stomach rumbled.

_Oh. I maybe should go downside and grab something to eat. I'm not sure if Holly would approve me dying of hunger or dehydration because I forget to eat while trying to contact her. Also, I need some caviar and the Quantum Gates will need another hour of training before they are actually usable._

He put the equipment on his desk and locked the interfaces before he went down the whole way into the Great Hall.

Not many students were there, but his three friends from the train were sitting at a table again. And, as in the morning, Steve already had noticed him.

"Evening!" he called Artemis to the table the three had occupied.

Sighing, Artemis collapsed into the chair. After all, it had been an eventful day for him.

"_Best first-time transfiguration in Hogwarts History_, is this what McGonagall had said to you?" George asked.

"Something along these lines, yes. Task was to turn a matchstick into a needle. Didn't appear too difficult to me, I'm honest."

"Ah, so McGonagall stick to the books, once again. The matchstick is usually the first thing she makes students try. Do wait until she lets you transfigure rabbits or larger stuff... largest I had so far was an entire swan to turn into a wardrobe for my exam. Took me two tries, but in the end she was satisfied," Steve replied.

Then, a thought came to Marvin: "And by the rumors going around, you managed to make Granger overdraft time in her class?! Now how did you do _that_, usually she only goes for extra time before the exams so that the... less gifted..." - he looked at Steve, known more for troublemaking than for spellwork - " have a chance to get decent grades?"

"Answered a question perfectly. She had _tears_ in her eye, I swear. Class turned into a nice discussion about civil rights afterwards. Didn't expect this at all, I had thought she with all that war fame would go right for... well, practice."

All three replied at once: "Oh, you will."

"See, Granger only takes out the wands after everyone has thoroughly understood the theory. Haven't heard of a single student injured in her class yet, and you'll actually do dueling from your first year onwards," George said.

"Injured? You mean, this happens regularly with other teachers?" Artemis asked.

"Oh of course. Wth the potential flying around here, the creatures, the dangers from the building _itself_, the Forbidden Forest, pranksters, Quidditch injuries... the difference is, that unlike in the Muggle schools you know, we have a fully trained healer and a well equipped hospital wing. No matter what happens, people don't stay in there for longer than two days. Tops. Remember when you managed to shatter every single bone in your legs in Quidditch Trials, Marvin?", Steve replied.

"All too good. Still, took Madam Pomfrey only five minutes and I was back my usual self," he grinned.

_So, the Wizards apparently know the powers of Healing, too..._

"Yeah, well Artemis, it's bound to happen to get injured in here. Only question is, how hard. But trust me, won't be anything too serious - unless you manage to injure yourself. Man, I would not trust your powers if I were you," George said grinning.

They chatted about various kinds of injuries for the rest of the meal, though Artemis had to bite his tongue a couple of times, for he could not disclose elfin (or his own, for that matter) healing powers or injuries. Even to the Wizards, it _certainly would_ seem strange to have someone dead turned back to living...

Somewhere around 2100, Artemis told the others goodbye, after all he wanted to try how his tech behaved now after a bit of calibration and maybe send out a call to Holly.

Alex and John were already in the bedroom by the time he arrived; of course they _had_ to ask him what on earth was sitting there on his desk and blinking.

"Ah, special project, will be a Radio when it's done," he said. It had, of course, been risky to leave the devices outside his trunk, but he had no choice as the reactor inside the Quantum Gate would certainly overheat when squeezed into a trunk.

Thank God that his roommates were of Muggle origin and knew that Artemis was an inventor, tinkerer and builder by heart - they believed the radio story and had no reason to suspect that Artemis was building a first-of-its-kind communication unit inside an ancient Magic stronghold.

They were, like Artemis, exhausted from the day and went to sleep soon enough. Artemis, however, was used to late-night working and entire nightshifts, and took his cellphone as soon as he heard Alex and John snoring off.

_Let's see what the Gates have been up to the last hours._

Indeed, the Quantum Gates had finished calibration and reported a symmetric 100MBit/s link. Not bad for the first time, but it looked like Artemis would have to replace both Gates in the Winter holidays, as soon as he found out why the speed was restricted. Should be a 10 GBit/s link, after all.

But nevertheless... he had once again written history.

Only he had to admit to himself that he better catch a good night's sleep - Holly, Butler and his family would likely be either occupied or asleep. There 'd be enough time to telephone or chat in the next months.

**A/N: A bit sci-fi technology in here, I know - don't worry, it won't be often that I get that deep into tech details. By the way, the shoebox-sized BTS is actually real. It's amazing where our technology is heading.**

**Another thing I wanted to clear up: a friend has noticed that I chose to get rid of the house tables for everyday meals. I believe that after the horrible Second War, when the Muggle-born students essentially had vanished from Hogwarts and the remainder of the students severely shaken, the Teachers decided to go for a bit more unity between the Houses, including Slytherin. So far, luck has held up.**


	31. Skyfall

**Skyfall**

WHEN: September 2nd 2010, 13:00

WHERE: Atlantis, prison complex, Level B25: Cell of Opal Koboi Senior

Opal Kobois cell was locked down. Nothing could penetrate its walls. But still, Opals old trick with the coma worked.

The prison warden and medics could not stop her from going into a coma. And no wall in the known universe could conceivably stop magic.

And with Opal Junior on the run, the combination of these three facts was enough to set Opals new, deadly scheme in motion.

She had no real magic left in herself anyway, the HGH released by the pituitary gland she had implanted herself had entirely cleaned her body of magic. But fairies had a couple of "features" which could run even without magic - the Gift of Tongues and a crude form of telepathy between close relatives.

The coma allowed her to focus on her younger self and talk to her - without any way for the nasty centaur and his lowlife minions to eavesdrop or interrupt her. Just perfect.

Junior had managed to deal a number of important blows to the People: she had "relocated" a number of specialists in neurology, surgery and hormonology to a safe room equipped with a laboratory. She kept the four experts in comfortable conditions and provided them with everything they needed so they could develop a solution for Senior to get her magic back.

Also, Junior had managed to hack into Foalys computer system. That stupid centaur was sometimes just too careless, even if she only managed to get bits and pieces out of the computer. Yet, the pieces formed one puzzle: there were humans using magic! Unheard of in living memory!

And even better, her arch-enemy Artemis Fowl the Second had been sent on a mission to these Wizards to learn their trade and to establish friendly relationships with the People, if possible.

Oh, revenge could be so sweet.

With Junior as her right (and left) hand, she would just wait until Artemis had managed to unite the world - and then, when enough information had passed to Junior about the new ally of the People, either disturb their new relationship and cause the first violent magic war since the Battle of Taillte (and with the help of the Humans, demolish Atlantis, free her out of the prison and then crown herself as queen once again!) or launch the forces of the Mud Men against the People and the Wizards (of course, with the same result for her: Queen of the Earth!).

And if someone else didn't have the joy already during the War, she would cut the throats of Artemis Fowl and Holly Short herself. And they would have to watch each other die.

Foaly would be spared and saved to be the witness of the entire act - and survive it, rotting away in her own old cell, to be kept alive by forced feeding if necessary. Just to be haunted forever by the memories of the souls exiting from the dead, lifeless bodies of his best friends.

Queen Opal Koboi, to rise again, with no one to stop her this time.

Just good that all this happened inside her mind. The two Special Forces guards in front of her cell would have been driven mad by her evil laughter.

**A/N: I don't believe that Opal would be able to contain the laughter inside her comatose mind if she would know what the Wizarding world is and what has happened there. A supply of powerful, war-experienced wizards in one place, screaming for freedom and no dementors to guard them...**

**And forgive me the shorty, don't want to spoil the entire Opal fun yet.**


	32. Eye Of The Tiger

**Eye Of The Tiger**

WHEN: September 3rd 2010, 09:30

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

Not every subject in Hogwarts can be mastered purely with knowledge (like History of Magic, Astronomy, Runes, Arithmancy, Muggle Studies), some subjects also need practice (Transfiguration, DADA, Charms), body strength and coordination (Magical Creatures, Flying) or "getting the knack of it" (Herbology, Flying, Potions, Divination) in addition.

The "getting the knack" part of it was, of course, the power of the mind. A wizard's skill set was to a large part influenced by his imagination, for only a vivid inner eye allowed magic to flow. Many wizards did not know this at all, only limited research was done on this subject in the Department of Mysteries.

And Artemis did not know it either, as he and the other students entered the Dungeons and sat at their desks.

The teacher was a young wizard by the name of Prof. Walther White, with name-fitting white, short hair, thick, black glasses and fancy clothes as expensive-looking as Artemis' own. Artemis had no doubt his hair had been magically dyed.

On the whiteboard Prof. White had written the instructions for a "Burn Healing Potion", supposed to result in a paste which could heal skin burned or boiled.

It involved putting 5 liters water in the cauldron, boiling it, and then adding ingredients with more or less weird names as "Skrewt skin", "Fire Ant Powder" and "Pufferfish Eyes", stirring it precisely and then letting the excess water boil off.

The first part of the lesson was more or less straight out of the book. First up were the basic safety rules for potion making:

_Rule 1: Thoroughly clean cauldron, stirrer and wand after every potion_

_Rule 2: Read Rule 1 again_

_Rule 3: Make sure to extinguish the fire after brewing_

These rules were also written in big letters on the wall behind the whiteboard - apparently people did need constant reminding of the rules.

Then, Prof. White had everyone practice the _Scourgify_ spell, which made dirt, potion leftovers and contaminants vanish, as well as the _Incendio_ spell, which was to be used for starting and up-keeping of a magical fire. No one had any major difficulties - which was good, given that these two spells were the basic spells required for potion brewing.

Last part of the "paperwork" was the theory behind the potion - how the different ingredients interacted with each other and what role magic played. Not difficult at all for Artemis.

Then, it was time for the second half of the lesson: actually putting that knowledge to use.

All students took the supplies from the raw materials cupboard and started to brew their potions (or the attempt of potions).

Some still had a bit trouble with getting the fire to light properly under the cauldron, however Prof. White was helpful in getting those students started (and giving them the homework of practicing the _Incendio_ spell a bit more).

For the first half hour, the lesson was quite uneventful, aside from one unlucky Gryffindor managing to blow up the contents of his cauldron - he had put in the Fire Ant Powder, which was an unstable component, too early and the potion was not yet ready to accept the Powder - gas built up on the bottom and ejected the semi-liquid remainder of the content.

He was not injured, but the potion remains had stuck themselves as a green-orange-ish goo blob on the ceiling of the classroom.

Artemis, meanwhile, had another sort of problem, like many other students: no matter how precisely he followed the instructions, he could not manage to get the potion to behave.

It simply did not want to turn to the shade of green required for the Fire Ant Powder (step 13 was to add the Powder as soon as the potion turned from orange into green color), but was stuck orange instead, no matter how long or hard Artemis stirred.

Prof. White was not surprised at all: "Mister Fowl, it's not unheard of that even the best students in other subjects have trouble with Potions. Try to let a bit of magic flow, that should help you!" he said to Artemis.

Artemis tried and tried, but it did not help. Lost for any other idea, he imagined the potion in front of him turning green and tapped the cauldron slightly with his wand - and indeed, the potion turned into such a perfect shade of green that Prof. White, who was helping another student, noticed it and said "Here, here, Mister Fowl, _this_ is exactly the green you need. Now, put in the Powder!".

_Imagination is the key, it seems._

Artemis took two spoonfuls of the Fire Ant Powder and dropped them into the cauldron. No surprise, the potion began to steam off as described in the instructions.

A couple other students had also managed to get their potions to steam off, but none had a brighter green than Artemis'.

"Okay, everyone. Please let your potions steam until they have thickened. Don't forget to stir them so that they don't burn... and when you have hit the point where the paste has the required consistency, please take a sample glass from my table, fill a part of the paste into it, seal the glass and put it back on my desk. Then, please clean up and you're free to go," Prof. White said.

Artemis, five Ravenclaws and three Gryffindors did as requested and exited the classroom, fifteen minutes earlier.

As he had something like 45 minutes until the first Herbology lesson, he decided to take a walk on the outside grounds.

Too bad that the first thing he saw on the ground level was an old cat with bright, orange eyes.

**A/N: Whoops. Anyone remembers who in the castle keeps an old cat as assistant / lookout / spy?**

**Also, the name "Walther White" is not entirely random for a Potions master - however we will only brew ordinary potions instead of meth in here ;)**

**Finally, a sidenote: this chapter explains why Neville turned from a total loser into a fearsome warrior and leader of the Resistance over the course of the last HP books: his lack of self-confidence had been holding him back the entire first four years (especially a certain Prof. Snape had his part in this). In the D.A. training Neville was able to build up strength and loosen the blockades keeping his magic restricted, entirely shattering his bounds in the last book.**

**Voldemort's mother had the same problem, just in the opposite direction: with Mr. Riddle jr. leaving her, she was too depressed to let her magic flow any more - just as during her youth, under the horrible abuses she had to endure from her father and brother.**


	33. Purr-fect

**Purr-fect**

WHEN: September 3rd 2010, 10:55

WHERE: Great Britain, Scotland, _location unknown. GPS error: Can't find satellite signal_

The cat belonged to the aged and grumpy Mr. Filch, caretaker of Hogwarts Castle, as Artemis was about to find out.

Not even ten seconds after Mrs. Norris had spotted Artemis, Mr. Filch appeared, anger in his face.

"Ooooh, what. Have. We. Here. Our new _model student_ out of class, eh?" he asked, grinning in thought of the punishment he intended to give Artemis.

Artemis originally wanted to throw a nasty comment back to Mr. Filch, but thought better and remained polite: "No, Sir. Prof. White had let those who finished their potions out of class early. Therefore, I and the other students whom you will find out of class are excused for being so."

Mr. Filch's mood fell even more into darkness than it already was. A chance to mark an example for the first-years, missed again due to some ruddy teacher...

"All right, Mister Fowl, all right. I shall check this... But be warned... even a single rule broken and I'll have you in chains... Come on, Mrs. Norris...", he muttered and disappeared with his cat as fast as he had appeared.

_Chains? Seriously? I thought these were outlawed long, long ago?_

He exited through the big wooden door onto the greenfield. It was, unusual for early September, still warm and sunny outside... now, the only thing missing was something to sit on.

_Let's see if that _Comfortus_ charm is living up to its description in the Transfiguration book._

_Comfortus_ was a spell that transfigured air into a wide array of furniture, at the choice (and power!) of the caster. Early starters would just be able to conjure a small cushion, a trained wizard was able to supply a whole house with furniture using just one single spell.

But naturally, Artemis aimed for the highest.

_So, I want a nice sofa to relax on... "_Comfortus!"

A golden jet hit the ground next to the pavement and indeed, a plushy red sofa appeared. Artemis walked over and sat down.

_Yep, that's a sofa. Just looks like those at Fowl Manor, and we paid boatloads of money for that furniture... so if I ever run out of money, I can at least start selling replicated luxury furniture._

From where the sofa was, Artemis had a pretty nice view: the Great Lake, in which he was sure the squid was searching for food in the front, the Quidditch field (where seven players were flying on brooms) to the left edge and the Forbidden Forest surrounding everything.

Together with the magical birds tweeting and some owls flying over his head, it was a nice way to relax. Then, he saw his owl appearing on the horizon - it was easy enough to spot with a wingspan as big as he was. A letter was bound to its leg.

_Oh, Holly's answer! I just hope I got some Owl Treats in my bag... and as I think of it, I still haven't decided on a name. And... how in blazes was Butler able to summon him?!_

As the owl sailed towards him, Artemis got the Owl Treats out of his bag.

The owl graciously landed next to him on the sofa, hooting and looking into his eyes.

His intuition had not failed him: the letter indeed was from Holly. He unbound the letter and handed the owl a couple of treats. After eating them, it flew into the Owl Tower, leaving Artemis and his letter alone.

_That with Opal is worrying. I hope that I have a chance to phone with her tonight..._

He could not think much further, because it was end of the second class and the bell announced the soon enough arrival of hordes of students.

_So, how do I now get rid of that sofa? Too bad there are no Vanishing spells in that book._

_There's a _Transfigure to Matchbox_ spell in the book, might be worth a try._

He stood up, pointed his wand at the sofa and cast a _Converso_ spell, while thinking of a matchbox. The result was all right, the only thing was that the matchbox was not made out of paper, but of the fluffy wool of the sofa's side part.

_Ah well, not too bad for a first-time. Also, the matchbox is cute. Might be a nice present for Holly._

He took his bag and went to the other side of the castle, where the Greenhouses were built. Apparently, every grade and house combination had its own, plus a couple extra greenhouses, making over twenty in total.

He entered the "Grade 1, Ravenclaw-Slytherin" greenhouse, where Prof. Neville Longbottom already waited for him and the other students.

In the greenhouse, there were a variety of plants. Artemis recognized nettles and dittany from the Muggle world and a couple others, including a huge Venomous Tentacula, from the book.

"Hello everyone. My name's Professor Neville Longbottom, for those who don't know me yet."

_Longbottom rings a bell somewhere._

"In Herbology, you will learn the secrets of hundreds and thousands of plants and herbs with magical properties. You will see some of them again in Potions or other subjects, because most other subjects in magic rely on plants and herbs.

We will also, throughout the year, raise a couple of plants. Everyone has a couple of named plant pots which have been bewitched so that no one except you is able to fool with your plants. At the end of the year, the plants will be graded for health and looks in addition to your theoretical knowledge examinations. Now, to get started: how is the plant behind me called?"

He pointed towards the Tentacula, which in response moved its arms to seize Neville's wand... but a quick flame spell made the Tentacula retreat.

It was not surprising that Artemis' hand was the first up, but a couple other students also seemed to know the plant.

"Mrs. Cattermole?" Neville asked.

"It is Venomous Tentacula, I believe." she asked.

"Correct, five points for Ravenclaw. How did you know?"

"It's tried to seize you, it was afraid of the flames and the spikes are unique to it," she replied.

"Five more points to Ravenclaw, then. And the rest of you, please write this down."

Neville was a relaxed, experienced teacher and the lesson passed with a breeze, until the bell sounded, announcing the end of the first lesson.

"We will continue at 1400, in this greenhouse. You're dismissed," Neville announced and the students went to eat in the Great Hall.

**A/N: Yep, the Cattermole family has survived the war, and Mary and Reg got another baby in 1999 - Susie Cattermole, ending up in Ravenclaw this year.**

**And Filch is still alive and kicking, same for Mrs. Norris... after all, there's no one who wants to do that sucker job and Mr. Filch is actually enjoying a tiny bit of sadism, so he said he stays until he collapses over his cleaning mop.**

** shtoops: Why fire the full ammunition in the beginning? :D**

** StarlightGilgalad: Thanks :)**


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